My Fill is Inadequate, and I Actually Have to Try

Hey there,
So, I had my fill (5.0 cc's), and I feel... nothing. I am scheduled for another fill next week- the 21st. I am trying to be good until then, but I did have a piece of carrot cake today. Ugh.

I am up about 12 ish pounds from my low, and I want that number to come back. I notice it in my face, mostly, and around my middle. Flattering, right?  Awesome.

In the midst of holiday fetes, drinking upsurges, and high stress, this is the LEAST wonderful time to lose weight, or maintain, for Pete's sake, but alas, my fill on the 21st, should help tremendously. I am sure they will be ultra conservative in what they give me- probably 1.0 or less, I am thinking, since with the holidays, I am sure the place will be a ghost town.

Until then, lights, wrapping, and CARDS! I haven't done my cards yet! EEK! Guess what I will be doing this weekend? Cookies and cards!

xoxoxoxo
A

The Day Before Tomorrow

Hello!
So, here I am again, being accountable to myself! Hello, Self!

Weight- down one lb since yesterday. So far this week down seven pounds.

Food:

Thursday PM
tea with milk and splenda for ride home
matzoh brei- one and half matzoh one egg, tsp butter, ketchup (estimated portion of family meal)
vodka and lemonade
three pieces of english toffee and two spoons of ice cream

Friday AM
coffee with half and half  and splenda
3ish oz. pernil with 5 or so pieces of sweet plantains and 2 tbsp rice
tea with milk and splenda

I am not making the best choices, but I am eating protein up the ying yang. The pernil and plantains were a nice treat- not something I eat ever, but the mood struck. The portion was gigantic, so I spooned out some meat (served in separate container) and had a fewish pieces of plaintain. My friend ordered the rice- plain rice, so I had two plastic spoons of it which I mixed in with the cut up pork and plantains. Yum. Not stuffed, satisfied feeling, but seriously jonesing for chocolate. What's up with that??

I like not feeling like I want to hurl after eating, but I would like a bit more restriction, although the matzoh brei did not go so well last night, it was a little dryish, but yummy.  It is something that my husband loves, and is a comfort type food, basically just matzoh crumbled up moistened with water, egg, pepper. I use butter in the frying pan and mix it up like scrambled eggs. Some say there are as many recipes for matzoh brei as people who love it, maybe that's true, but this is how I make it, and it's actually good.

Anyway, it's almost the weekend! YAY! I am getting color/blow out this afternoon, in an effort to beautify myself and feel good. Tomorrow I am taking Morgan to see Santa at the mall- not sure which one yet, but hopefully it will not be too stressful.

Have a great weekend!!
Annie

Back in the Saddle

So, as part of my commitment to MYSELF, I am going to be blogging more. Thanks to everyone for your  kind comments yesterday! It helps to know that I have you in my corner!

I must tell you though, that I cannot comment from work- very annoying, and while I am reading your blogs and rooting for you, you don't know that, unless I comment. I get it. I felt so good when I saw the comments you left, and I am committing to commenting from home to let you all know that I am here, and supporting you.

So, I have five cc's in my band! Yay! I am not, however in the green zone. I want to go back for another fill so bad, but I know that I need to give this level a chance. I think my sweet spot is 6.5-7. Anything more than that is treacherous for me, and even close to 7 is probably too much. I was pb'ing like crazy  before, and that's not good. Having my band emptied makes me realize more than ever that I NEED this TOOL to help me. It's not the ultimate solution, however, I need to do the WORK. Maybe that's what having 5.0ccs will teach me? How to be able to eat like a regular person, but in moderation.  Here's what I ate in the last 24 hours:
Wednesday
coffee with half and half and splenda
tea with milk
the chicken part of a chicken gyro- and one or two bites of the pita
one swedish fish
tea with milk
1 serving pita chips
1 vodka and lemonade
1/4 Trade Joe's spinach pie
1 vodka and lemonade
3 Trader Joe's English toffee pieces

Thursday
2 scrambled eggs, 1 slice of cheese, 2 pieces of toast
coffee with half and half

That's it so far. I want to keep it real, that's the reason for the food log. I am also using My Fitness P*al, which, I love. If you don't already use it, check it out, it's awesome.

In thinking about what I ate/could eat pre-unfill, I am really eating a lot more! I could never eat bread- let alone in the morning. I ate it because I figured it would potentially de-rail lunch hunger, and I could have a sp K protein shake for lunch. We will see about that shortly!

That's it. All's well on the personal front as well- fingers crossed.

xoxoxoxo
Annie

Got My Fill

Hey Chicas,
So, I got my fill, and I feel great. I had 5.0 cc's put in- as you may remember I had it emptied, and have been living with it empty since 11/2. I gained nine pounds in that time, but the good news is that I am down six of those! Yay! I love liquids!

The good news is that I feel pretty motivated.

So, here's a NSV. Today I am wearing a dress- kind of shorter than I am comfortable with, but I am wearing tights. I feel self conscious today. I did get some feedback that I look great in this dress, and when I made a face and my usual "I feel fat, my legs look terrible in this, it's so short" comment, the person said I look great, in fact, they love seeing me in dresses, and that I am extremely beautiful.

Uh.

So, it's not a sexual harrassment thing, so don't get all uncomfortable. It was kind of a nice compliment, and I took it as such. I now, no longer feel AS self conscious in my short dress.

He he he

Things are better on the home front as well, which is great. I think I hit a low point last week, when I finally posted after so long. Things are looking up!

xoxoxo
Annie

The Last Month, and Happy Thanksgiving!

First of all, my sincerest and heartfelt Happy Thanksgiving to all of you lovely people who celebrate!

Now, what's new with me? It's been a WHOLE Month since I have blogged, although, I do read the blogs from time to time.

I had a tweak in my band that led me to be TOO TIGHT! Emergency room tight. Complete un-fill tight. Ugh.

I have been fluid free in my band for 2 weeks, and I have an appt. on the 29th to get some fluid put back in. I have been careful these last couple of weeks, but have been eating food that I hadn't been able to in a while. The overfill was completely my own fault- she wanted to put in a touch, I asked for more, the rest is history. When you cannot swallow your own spit, it sucks.

Life otherwise has been very stressful. I am blessed to have the problems I have because I can deal with them, but it's not always easy. I know everyone has their fair share these days, and I am not complaining. I am more sharing, and asking for support.  My daughter is wonderful, she is growing up so quickly- 3 and a half now! wow! She is awesome.

Things with my husband have been very difficult. He is working with a new doctor, getting PT (very intense PT) three days a week, and is in a lot of pain all the time. Pain sucks. It changes everything. It changes your personality. It changes your life. We are making some strides in getting him into pain management, but that has it's challenges as well. There is a perception factor that if you are in pain and need pain medicine, that you are a druggie. It erodes your self esteem to have to ask for relief from pain- and it makes you angry to have to beg for something that will help. All very complicated.

I work in the health care industry, so I get it. I also get that patients have a right to NOT be in PAIN.

Having said all of that, it is hard to continue to be supportive in light of his difficult moods, especially when I have been carrying the load for two years now. I am blessed to be able to continue to do so, but it's hard to be superwoman, and do it with a sunny disposition 24/7!

I did start seeing a therapist a couple of months ago, and it is helpful. I am not on any anti-depressents any more- they numbed me out, and frankly, I have wasted enough time being numb. As uncomfortable as things are, I need to be 100% engaged, and present, and aware. I don't want to go through the motions anymore, and it's that spirit that makes me short with my husband when he expects me to be caring. I don't want to see a sink full of dishes when I get home with our daughter at 7:15 and then hear how hungry you are. Sorry.  This anger comes out, his anger comes out, and because we don't want to fight in front of our daughter, it just festers.

Wow, this is becoming more cathartic than I expected!

So, who knows what is going to happen. I am happy he is going to be going to pain mgt in December. I am happy that I am not numb. I am happy I am getting a fill next Monday. I am also happy that I have my daughter, and I know that despite these problems, my husband and I love each other.  I am not ready to throw in the towel yet and destroy a family.

Maybe the message is thankfulness. Be thankful for what you do have- I am. Be thankful for the problems you don't have- I am. Be thankful for being thankful.

Needless to say, all of this is complicated, confusing, stressful, and sad. I force myself not to turn to my old friend food during these times. Without the fluid in my band, it's easy to overdo it. I must remain mindful of the progress I have made, but I am also allowing myself a bit of a break. Obviously I am eating more that I had- out of hunger. I never had hunger when I was at a good adjustment (or even a too tight adjustment!)- I just need to get back there, without the pbing.

I am still holding onto 80 pounds lost, and I am thankful to that. I know once my band is adjusted again, I will be back on track- fall down seven times, get up eight, right??

Love to all, and all my best wishes for a wonderful holiday.

xoxoxox
Annie

Un-fill and Progress

Hey there,
So, I had an unfill last week. So far, no pb's, no sliming, no stuckness.... it's all good. I am holding steady at my weight, but enjoying food, for the first time, in a long time.  Alas, I think I need a small fill- they took out 1.0cc, and I will probably get something less than that put back in. I feel better- which is the best part, but I think I need a bit more to get my scale moving again!

Thinking of all of you, and wishing you success!!!

Big hugs!
xoxox
A

What's Happening Hot Stuff?

So, it's been a pretty busy few weeks! While all you beautiful ladies were at BOOBS, I, too was on vacation. Hubby, and my dearest daughter and I all went down to Florida for ten days- spending a week in the beautiful Clearwater Beach Sand Key, and then the long weekend at Disney. The trip was great- we all had a wonderful time. Disney was a bit of a wash- literally! It rained (poured out of the heavens!) all weekend. My little girl had the deluxe princess experience at the Bibbidy Boppity Boutique- adorable! She loved every minute of it. The pictures were beautiful too- totally worth the expense.

The next day we headed to the Magic K*gdom- it was literally pouring the entire time we were there, so we cut it a bit short, since most of the outside attractions were closed :( My little girl is only three, though, so she had no expectations, and was not disappointed. It is a bit overwhelming as it is, but she enjoyed the monorail, the princess meet and greet, and It's a Small World ride.

Back to work this past Wednesday- the work didn't stop while I was gone, and I have been catching up ever since.

On the band front, I was tighter than a drum for my entire vacation. I hate being tight, and I realize that while I don't have any reflux- D.G., that pb'ing every meal is not a good thing. For me, it is a vicious cycle- I get stuck once, and then am too tight, keep eating, pb- and on and on. Anyhow, I went to see the lovely Dr. Fielding at NYU yesterday- (he is very handsome in person!) and got 1.0 cc out. I feel so much better already.  I lost 25 lbs since my last visit, which was a few months ago- June? But, I haven't lost a thing in the last mont or so. The same two pounds up and down. I am confident that this unfill will right my wagon, and once I am less inflamed I will be able to get the scale moving again.

Another item that I need to begin to seriously address is exercise. I have a million excuses, but that has to stop. Immediately!!! I am going to discuss a plan with my hubby this weekend, and will update you next time I blog.

The pics from BOOBS were awesome, and it looks like everyone had a great time! I hope to attend next year!

Oh, btw- my bandiversary was on 10/1! I am down 90 pounds! Woo hoo! I was hoping for 100, but I will get there- I am in this for the long haul! xoxoxox
Annie

Trip Planning

Hey Ladies,
Just wanted to wish  you a boobilicous adventure this weekend! We are headed down to Florida for 10 days or so, to spend time with Hubby's family, and then a long weekend in Disney!  Yay! It will be the first time for my daughter, who was three in May- I think she is the best age for this now- very excited!

I hope I can come to B(.)(.)Bs next year!

xoxo
Annie

Update and Jeggins

Hello friends,
So. I am off the Zoloft, as I indicated in my post last week. So far, so good. Two things I notice immediately have changed- 1. My libido is in overdrive, and 2. I seem to have a bit more of an "edge" to me than I did while on the medication. Neither is a bad thing in my mind. It certainly provides me with more authenticity- I feel less blah, which is amazing.

I had my therapy appt. last week, and I go again today. I am excited. I was originally going to cancel, since I need to pick my child up right after, and her father can't pick her up today, but I think I am going to modify my session by either starting earlier, by 15 minutes, or by ending a little earlier. I would rather not cancel. I think it's too important to me right now, and I have some things to discuss with her.

I am down a pound! Yay! This is the same pound that I took credit for last week though, but had gained back. So, anyway, I am officially at my low weight during this journey. Yippee!

So, my family had a small birthday party for me on Saturday, and I had nothing to wear. I went to LB to see what was up- both with the "fashions" and my sizes. I take a 16W in pants and a 16 or 18 in tops! Yay! I bought a pair  of jeggings and a nice top, along with a pair of ballet flats. Love! I can't believe I am wearing jeggings, but I really loved the way they looked. They made my legs look so skinny, for me, and the top had just enough to cover my mommy pouch. See pics below of the outfit:

I thought it looked pretty good!

(The pics above are not of me, but of the LB model from their website!)


xoxo
A

Back in the Saddle Again!

Lovelies,
I am back in the saddle. The therapy saddle, that is. I did it- I finally got myself an appointment with a new therapist- and I am very excited! My appt is this evening, at 5pm. Hubby is picking up my lovely little girl, and I am getting a break.

Okay, so things are not perfect in BandAid land- like everyone else, I am trying to adjust my lifestyle to our economy, and sometimes it's just not easy.  I realize, and have said many times, that I thank God for my problems- they are managable to me, and that is fine. Other people's problems are much worse than mine, so please don't think I am complaining. I'm not. What I am doing is taking charge of me- as the beautiful Read said earlier- I am "owning me".  Life is, as the diving diva Barbara, has stated, "too short". It is. That is for sure.

I am not happy lately, and that's not good. It affects the people around me- home, work, everywhere. I owe it to myself and everyone around me to get my shit straight, and that's what I am starting tonight.

Interestingly, I have stopped taking Zol*ft, and I feel fantastic.  I think I was numbed out, kind of not dealing with the stuff going on in my life- husband not working, mounting financial pressure, feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, etc.  For me, Zol*ft helped me cope by  not forcing me to cope- that's probably not clear. I feel almost like I was in a self induced emotional coma- I wasn't dealing with things because I just couldn't, and the meds kept things in check.

Lately, I feel like I am emerging from a coccoon. A fat coccoon, and a anti depressant coccoon. Yay me!

My little girl started preschool on Friday. God, I love that kid. She is my shining star, and the numero uno reason for me straightening myself out!

BTW, my birthday was Saturday, and I am another year older. I think I am going to seriously start lying about my age.

Lovalu!

A

Photo Essay- Before, After, Lunch, 90!!!! Pounds Down!

Hello Friends,
I am super excited, because I am 90 Pounds Down!!!!!!!
Here is a comparison shot of me from last July and today!  I am 5'11, 255lbs, and take a size 16W. Yes, a 16W. I am tall and have a large frame, and a decent amount of muscle.


July 2010

Today!

I am so excited! Hey, check out the collar bone in the today pic! And, it's the same string of pearls- notice how much longer they seem now???!!!

I am 5'11, 255lbs, and take a size 16W. Yes, a 16W. I am tall and have a large frame, and a decent amount of muscle.

I am jelly that I am not going to BOOBs, but, things are too hectic now for me to consider a fun trip without the fam. We are going to Florida for 2 weeks in the end of September/early October, and it conflicts. I want to go next year- hopefully, there will be one in 2012!

My little girl starts nursery school on Friday! I attended the orientation yesterday at 1pm- doesn't anyone work? Answer: Most Mom's stay home in my town. Oh well. I am also the only one who asked about the snack, drink, shoes, potty, swimming, etc. At least I didn't feel like the oldest one in the room! There was only one early twenties couple, the rest were 30+, which is a relief.

Love to all, back to the grind!

Annie

PS- I cannot comment from work, which is annoying. I read your blogs daily, and send you my support and love!

Great News!

My breast biopsy was negative! It is confirmed to be a fibroadenoma, and is a benign tumor! YAY!

Now, I can relax, and focus on more pressing issues in my life- yeah, I've got those too.

Wonderful things in my life:

- I don't have breast cancer!

- My daughter is my sunshine, my moonlight, my love, and the light of my life

- My health is getting better with each pound lost- my bp, cholesterol, etc. are all excellent

- I've lost 87 pounds!

- My career is wonderful

- I passed my PMP! Woo Hoo!!

Things to improve on:

- Relationship with hubby- he's depressed, I'm in denial, he hasn't worked in two years- enough said

- Payoff bills, streamline expenses, build up nest egg

- Move more

- Live in the moment

This scare has me thinking that I need to start paying attention to what is happening, (or not happening) around me. I think I need to get a therapist or something. I hate whining on this blog- it's about my band, right? The other thing is that I am ashamed- ashamed my hubby could be perceived to be a loser, afraid that I am a loser by extension- or at least an enabling co-dependant doormat- :)

I am lucky that I can support myself, and my daughter. Being the sole family support, however, makes things tight. I need to see some effort from my husband. I know he has pain, but get back to the MD!  I have made things plain that he needs to get an income, stat, but it doesn't seem to be working. He's very sensitive, and I hate fighting.

Didn't I say I wasn't going to whine??? Oh well.

Thanks for listening. The best thing- I don't have breast cancer!

A Lot Going On

So, I haven't posted this week because I haven't been ready to share something scary that is going on with me. I mentioned that I had my first mammogram on Friday of last week. I was called back in for additional films- they told me in advance this would happen, but I was nervous anyway. Long story short, after more films on the left, and an ultrasound, a lump was discovered in my breast.

To say that I am terrified is an understatement.

After crying hysterically, the radiologist told me that it appears to be a fibroadenoma (a benign tumor). They want to take a biopsy on Monday, to be sure that there is nothing to be concerned about.

I have shared this with some of my close friends and family, and the consensus is not to worry! I find it hard not to worry, but I am trying to stay positive, and not get alarmed over nothing. 

The truth is that this is a wake up call- regardless of the outcome of Monday. 

My weight is doing well, I am a pound or so up or down each day, but I think the stress is doing it to me, and maybe salt, as well. 

This post is not a plea, but rather an attempt to share. I am fine.

Have a great weekend, and thank you for you support!!

Annie
xoxoxo

BYOC!!!

There is NUSSING better than a Friday, is there?


Oh wait – yes there is. BYOC on a Friday! Or shoe shopping. With purses amuck. Or about a million other things BUT for right now I’ve got NUSSING but a little BYOC on a Friday – so take it or leave it!

BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 questions you can copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break!

Enjoy!

1. I have to do some MAJOR cleaning tonight…which is prompting me to ask…what is the absolute worst thing you hate to clean or cleaning chore you hate the most? (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, toilets, floors, etc.)

I dislike cleaning, but, it is a necessary evil! I don't mind cleaning the kitchen, the dishes, the counters, etc. I like doing laundry, the washing, drying and folding part are all fine. The putting away! NO!!!! I hate it. As a result, I often have a husband buying socks (they are clean and in the laundry basket, or one of them!), and about four filled baskets of clean laundry. Sigh....  I also dislike cleaning floors. Luckily, my hubby does that.

2. Brown or Black? Fly or Drive? Hot dog or Burger? Gold or Silver?

I like both brown and black, but have much more black in my wardrobe.

I like driving, and road trips are fun. Our recent vacations have all been by car- Hilton Head, Maine, Jersey Shore, Adirondacks, but, I do like to fly. I don't like sitting next to strangers though, but now that I have lost EIGHTY SIX POUNDS, I expect my next flight, at the end of the month, to Nashville for business, should be fine.

I like both hot dogs and good burgers, but, alas, neither like me at the moment. The band does not do well with burgers, and hot dogs are iffy.

Gold or silver...hmmm??? White gold and platinum are my faves!

3. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them or even if a relationships exists – and you then try to describe that person in 5 short sentences/words.

Maternal Grandmother

Loving
Outgoing
Died too young
Sunday dinners after mass
One of the best people to have ever lived.

4. Even if you don’t have kids, how do you feel about kids in multiple sports during their school years?  Were you in MULTIPLE sports all during school?  Forced or by choice?

My daughter is three, and we did try dancing school last year, but she didn't like to follow instructions, and the teacher was not attentive enough. We may try soccer, this year, maybe.  My step son is not a joiner, although, he did play basketball in grade school
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Real life is good, I am coming down from the stress of studying like a maniac for the last five months, so I feel like I have too much time on my hands in the evening. Not that I am being productive (cleaning, laundry)! I am relaxing!

My weight is coming down, and that feels great. I am averaging two pounds a week, or so, and I love it. My band is a little finicky, but I have mostly figured it out. I got my hair done today!!!! Yay! I rewarded myself after getting my first mammogram. It didn't hurt, but is stressful. I am at the age to get one, so I did, must, I must admit it was anxiety provoking. I hate the unknown!

Smooches!!
Annie
xoxo

Protein! Feeling Good

Hello Lovelies,
Today is a good day. I have my PMP behind me, and I am enjoying the summer even more that before!  I am reading everyone's blogs, and am noticing the "protein" theme, and I need help. I need a switch from my usual food choices, and I would love some recommendations on great tasting, no aftertaste, chocolately protein shakes. I used to drink Slim* Fas_t High Protein, but, it's a little light on the protein.

Any suggestions??

Still holding at 84 down, TOM presently, expect big win next week!!! 

Smooch!
A

I Passed! I am a Professional Project Manager!

Whew....I did it! I passed the test certifying me as a PMP! I have to say that I have never studied so hard in my life. Despite that I have been in a PM or director of PM role for the last ten years, and that I have attended college and graduate school, this test was a killer!

I am glad it's over now, so I can get back to blogging and having fun this summer! I am down like 84lbs! I can't believe it! The last tweak I had was the money. I really feel in the green zone, 70% of the time. The biggest challenge is knowing that I can no longer eat when I "feel like it", rather than when I am really hungry. If I eat mindlessly, it sucks. I now eat with focus, enjoying my small (no longer seems small, though) portion, chewing, taking small bites, etc. 

More later, time to go back to celebrating!

xoxoxo
A

Feelin' Sexy!

There! I said it! I am feeling like my old hot self!

Now, I am down 81lbs, still obese, but since I am tall, I am carrying better than most at my weight. I am rockin the high platform sandals! LOVE! I am like 6'3 in them, but I figure it makes me look twenty pounds lighter, right?? 5lbs for each inch.

Going on vacation in two days! Yay! We rented a house in Long Beach Island- on the Jersey shore, but not the Jersey shore you are used to from MTV. I won't be GTLing it, or at least no G and L! I plan to get my tan on, enjoy my sexy hubby, and my beautiful daughter and stepson.

One more day of work to get through!!

xoxoxoxoxo
A

What's Up with Me?

Howdy Peeps,
At work, on a call, (where I do my best blogging)- I am multitasking! :)

Weight is kinda standing still this week- still down 79lbs! Yay! I would love to make the 100lb loss mark by my bandiversary in October, but, we will see. I am feeling good, and getting a lot of nice compliments about my weight loss. I am wearing my old clothes! I am between a 16W and a 18W, or 2x, depending on the designer, cut, style, etc.

I have been having a few stuck episodes of late- all predicatble, depending on what I am eating, when I am eating, or how I am feeling while eating. I find that lunch time is the best time for me to eat. In my office. Alone.  If I am interruped, aggravated, or have company (am chatting while eating, and not thinking), I get stuck. I usually drink hot tea with my lunch- sipping before and during- despite not being band rule compliant, it really helps me. If I am particularly relaxed, I can eat more.

A couple of weeks ago I went out after work with a colleague for an early dinner. I hadn't had lunch, so maybe that's why I was able to eat?? 

We went to Osterio del Circo in midtown- recommend! The service was awesome, and they indulged us completely. The food was incredible.  I had a great meal where I had a small salad- Arugula, Endive, sliced Apples and Bacon Salad with Blue Cheese Croquette for my entree, a couple small pieces of bread dipped in olive oil, two glasses of wine, (or three), and shared a panna cotta.  The vino was Orvietto- delish!  I didn't get stuck, enjoyed myself, and had a great time.

Sorry to tempt you with food- it was awesome, though :)

xoxoxo
Annie

Checking In

Hi Guys,
Just a quickie to say that I am loving my progress, and am so happy that my earlier plateau at the 6 months mark seems to be over! I have to say that I am very careful about what I eat, but I think that's the point, right?? LOL

Anywho, things otherwise are good, very busy and stressful, as usual. Work is good, and I am still studying for my PMP. I need to make the time for that, as it is critical now, in this point of my career.

I am reading all your blogs, and commenting when Blogger lets me...GRRRRRR!!!!

Big hugs and mucho love,
Annie
oxoxox

Sweet 75!

At work, so this has to be quick. I reached 75lbs down today! Yay! I am so excited. I seem to be at a good fill level now, and it is forcing me to really watch what I eat, which, for me, is very necessary at this point. Maybe when I am a year or so out, I will feel differently, but I need the physical assistance- I just don't make the best choices without it.

Last night I was out at a work dinner and was a little nervous about what I could eat. It was just three of us, we sat outside, and I had never eaten with these colleagues before. We ordered (to share) the most delicious mozzarella- burratta- it is homemade, and has a creamy center. OMG- so yummy. It came with slices of beefsteak tomato, which were actually ripe and delicious. For my entree, I ordered seared scallops that came with roasted mushrooms. Very yummy. I ate about a third of that, but one of my colleagues was happy to enjoy one of the four large scallops that came with the dish. The mushrooms were hen of the woods, which I hadn't had before, and were also yummy. We shared a bottle of wine, and then the obligatory dessert share- a bite of cannoli and a bite of tartufo (icecream ball covered with chocolate). I was stuffed at the end, but didn't have any problems eating. I was very careful, took small bites, and lots of breaks in between bites, and just enjoyed the food. I didn't feel compelled to finish anything (except the burratta, which was, again, the best thing I have eaten in a very long time).

Otherwise, life is good. Ups and downs, stresses, all part of the usual, but all taken in stride. My daughter started her first playschool session yesterday. It's one day a week, for two hours, and we thought it would be helpful before she starts preschool in September, which is three half days a week.  She made the most adorable picture for me, but wouldn't cough up any details about the class.  I asked how the teacher was, what the kids were like- she rolled her eyes, and said, I don't know the teacher's name, Mom! Can we just drive to Grandma's now? I asked if she wants to go back? Of course!

She's three.

Back to the grind. Zumba tonight!

smooches!

Annie

Zumba Tonight!

I am off to my first Zumba class tonight! Very excited, and hoping I don't pass out!

Health Assessment, Finally Friday

Yesterday we had health assessments at work. My employer is launching a wellness program and is incentivizing all staff to get their now annual health assessment before 7/15 by issuing $100 Amazon Gift Cards to all staff who meet the 7/15 due date. They are having people from our insurance company onsite to do the assessments, and have made several dates available to staff to get their assessment at each of our locations.

The folks who do not get their health assessment by 9/30 will not be eligible for health coverage for 2012.

I guess they are taking this seriously, huh?

So, anyway, I had mine yesterday and was a little nervous. They check total cholesterol, HDL cholesterol, Glucose (non fasting), blood pressure, waist circumfrence, height, weight and BMI. The verdict- pretty darn good!  My cholesterol was 152, the HDLs were a little low at 40, the height (they shrunk me by an inch), the weight (2lbs down from my last recorded- which puts me 71 down according to their calculations!!), BP normal, glucose normal. Waist measurement- 34"! This is 6" down from when I measured a few months back. I am very excited.

That's it. We are going to a concert tonight, which should be fun, and my Morgan is having a sleepover at my Mom's house.

Have a great weekend!!
xoxoxo
A

69- No, I am Not Being Dirty

So, today I hit 69 pounds lost! Yay!

Things are going pretty well, I am trying my hardest to be a good doobie about the band rules, but it is not easy. What's interesting is that when I am eating slowly, and taking small bites, and not having a problem, I seem to over-eat. Ugh. More to work on. I did eat a tuna melt yesterday- one slice of rye, tomato, tuna, cheese- in the broiler. Yum. I made it about half way through when I wanted to eat more, but knew I was full. Full on a quarter sandwich??  Impossible! I kept going. Regretfully, it was not good. Minor pb, but overall, progress. I am really a slow learner when it comes to this band thing, but I guess 20+ years of bad eating habits will do that to a person. You can't unlearn it all immediately.

It is hot as Hades here in the NYC area- very grateful for air conditioning, and my hubby thought he might be able to set up our small pool today, which would be awesome. It is one of those plastic pools with a ring that gets inflated? Anyway, if you like, here's a pic:

It was a cheapie, at the Christ*as Treee Shoxppe- awesome buy at like $69 bucks. It does the trick, believe it or not, for just my little one, my hubby and myself. Haven't joined the pool club yet, and may not, with the recent purchase of my car!!!!!  Anyway, I need to start a budget and get real with myself. In the meantime, I will be enjoying the pool on my deck, I will take a pic of it set up.

What I do need to invest in is a bug zapper! With the woods right behind us, the bugs can be fierce at night. I hate the idea of killing innocent months, stink bugs, mosquitoes, gnats, no see ums (well, maybe not), but it seriously infringes on my enjoyment factor to be swatting away all night.

Enjoy the day lovies!!!

xoxoxoxo
A

BYOC

It’s FRIDAY – which means it’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy…around these parts. We answer a couple of questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire…and ENJOY!!


1. If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself – would you change yours and what would it be?
My name is Ann Margaret, but Ann seemed to stick after I started grade school. I have always thought it was a boring name, but  I do like Annie. What name would I pick? Hmmm.... I love the name Morgan, which is what we named our daughter- it's so strong and is both a family name on my side, and kind of unique, but I don't see myself that way. I guess I would stick with Annie.
•
2. If you’re a worker-outer…what time do you partake in such activities? There are SO many theories about when it’s best and not best to work out….like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won’t be able to sleep…etc, etc. – so I’d like to hear your theories.

Presently, I am not a worker-outer, but I am starting Zumba on Monday, and am very excited. It's an after-work class at my job, and seems like it would be fun. When I was a workerouter, I prefered going either right before, or right after work- I loved the energy rush I would have all day after a morning workout, and I also loved the stress relief component of working out after a hectic day in the office. Hopefully, now that I have a family, and small child to pick up, I can find the time here and there to go to the gym. I foresee going in the evening after my daughter goes to bed- it's time I spend on the computer, and may work out to be a good time for me to go to the gym.

3. If you drive a car – what kind is it and if you could drive any car – what would it be?

We have two cars- a FJ Cruiser, and a Honda CRV. The CRV is "my" car, and the FJ is the hubby's. I drive the FJ to work now, because it's newer than the CRV, which is on it's last legs. We are going car shopping tomorrow, and I am torn between a certified pre-owned CRV, or a new Lexus CT 200h- it's a hybrid, and get's great gas mileage, and is in the 29-30K price range. I have a huge commute by car now, and the FJ is such a gas guzzler. Fingers crossed, we will get something soon- my hubby wants his truck back! I feel torn between the two- the practical (budgetarily speaking) side of me says CRV, and the other side says, Hell, I work hard, and I deserve to drive a Lexus!! My fantasy car is a BMW 6 series. Convertible, of course, but that's not practical, with my daughter at this time, but maybe my next car- just in time for my mid-life crisis!

4. Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos? More importantly – what do you think of the people who have tattoos – specifically women?

If I am completely honest, I would say that I am not a fan of tattoos. Maybe because I was raised in a "tattoos are trashy" household, but everytime my hubby says he wants to get one, I cringe.  I think tattoos are very popular now, and the old thinking about them is very antiquated, and I do know lots of girls with tattoos, but I think most professional, or aspiring professional women are not taken as seriously as they could be when they have a visible tattoo. I am all for the small, indiscreet, or for private viewing only type tattoos, and I have contemplated getting a tattoo on my lower back when I was younger, or something on my hip, but I feel like I would possibly regret it someday, so I have always chickened out. I have gotten temporary tattoos, though, and felt hot when I had them!




5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.


This week has been good, overall. I feel like I am making progress on my personal professional aspirations of getting my PMP certification by the end of the month, and that feels very good. Band wise, I am losing weight, which is also good. I need to follow the rules more closely to be more successful and reduce the potential risks of not following band rules, so that's something I will be focusing on. I also have plans to get my butt moving in Zumba, and possibly joining a gym in the near future.


That's my BYOC!


Love love love!!!!


xoxoxoo
A

No Unfill and Comments

Hello there,
I had an appt. with Dr. Ren today- I am down 10 lbs this month, as predicted, and I told my tale of woe regarding the pbs. Dr. Ren had little sympathy, and convinced me it was due to lack of proper chewing, sufficient waiting between bites, and not following band rules. I hate to admit it, but she is probably right. My mission? Chew! Wait between bites! If I follow band rules, and still have a problem, I am to call for an appt. I can live with that.

I have been commenting a lot this week, only to be frustrated by blogger! Sorry for my lack of comments, I am hoping this improves soon! 

Tomorrow is Friday! Yay!!!

xoxoxo
A

2 More Down!

So, first the good news! I am down two more pounds. I am now a svelte 278! I know that does not seem at all svelte, but I sure feel svelte! I went shopping yesterday and am in the 18s and some 20s. I am very excited, and eager to keep the scale moving in the right direction, so that I can say farewell to the plus size section in the next year! YAY! 

Ok, so now for the bad news. I think I am again too tight. Ugh. I never got that unfill last month, and I think I am around 6.8. As I have said, bread of any type is out, and by the way, so are hot dogs (sans bun)- not a pleasant experience yesterday. I woke up with a thought yesterday morning that it seems very harsh that the one thing I truly loved doing (eating) is now making me sick. I feel like an alcoholic on antabuse- that's the drug they give alcoholics to get them to stop drinking- (if they drink, they get violently ill, although, I don't have any experience with that drug, it's information I've acquired through watching tv :)

 If I try to eat the wrong thing (who knows what that is), or too fast, I get stuck. Getting stuck is a vicious cycle. Stuck begets stuckness- the pb causes more pbs (unless I stop eating altogether- which I guess I am suppossed to do!). 

I started today with a protien shake and coffee. So far, so good. I am going to take it easy the next day or so, and then on Thursday, when I go back to the MD, I may ask for a small unfill. .1 or .2.  Honestly, they seem a little reluctant to take any out, or maybe that's my imagination? I did have a big loss this month- like 12lbs, so, I guess I could live with the level of tightness, but who wants to?  I don't want to be miserable! I even chewed some orzo salad and spit it out before it could get stuck yesterday, just because I wanted to taste it.  Needless to say, I am not the best dining companion these days.

Am I alone with this craziness????????  Hunger is not the problem, at least 90% of the time. I am still figuring out how to train my brain, I guess. I want to be at 100 down by 10/1!!!!!

Contemplating joining a pool club, but not sure- anyone familiar with the Holmdel, Marlboro, or Hazlet pool clubs? I am not that concerned about my figure in a bathing suit- I have a three year old to entertain to keep my mind off that, and that's why God invented miraclesuits and cute wraps. My main concern is the Mommies- are they clannish stay at home'rs with rich hubbies and BMWs? Will they shun me because I have a career and my hubby is an edgy rock dude (no alligators on his chest)? Will we fit in? Ugh. Why do I care about these things?? It's so bizarre that the biggest concern I have is not about my weight!



Love you!
xxoxoxoxoxooxox
A

YAY!

Things seem to be moving in the right direction! I am 66lbs down now, which is awesome. I feel better, physically, which people have told me that they also experienced when their BMI went below 40.  I am not hungry much, and I am being pretty careful about what I am eating, as I do have problems with stuckness at times. I am considering a slight unfill- maybe .1 or so? There are some things I just can't eat without having a problem- like bread. Does everyone have this problem? I know there are those of us who keep their band on the looser side- not loose, per se, but not tight either, and have had great success. I think I am going to ask for a slight unfill, but want to be on liquids, or soft foods for a few days before my next appt., which is on the 2nd.  I don't want to take out too much if my band is just irritated, and not tight.

What a delicate balance this whole band thing is!

This weekend is, hopefully, going to be on the quiet side. We are going out with dear friends tonight for dinner and a walk on the boardwalk at Asbury Park. Should be fun! We are bringing the kiddies, and it should not be a late night. On a crummy note, I think I am getting a sinus infection. My throat and sinuses are killling me!

Have a wonderful weekend lovelies! Enjoy and be safe.

xoxoxox
A

UGH!

This is the word of the weekend, and now of Monday too. Ugh.

I have been finding myself saying it under my breath all weekend, and now all day. Maybe it has something to do with the dismal weather we are having? Gray, damp, chilly, UGH!

So the big birthday bash- brunch was yesterday, and it was great. Stressful getting it all together, as always, and my hubby told me if I ever mention having another "early" party, it's over for me.  He even said, we're done with parties. Done??? The entertaining season is just starting!!   Clearly we need to have some space from this most recent entertaining escapade before we plan the  next one.  I guess the Memorial Day Family BBQ at my house (that I just thought up a few minutes ago) is off?  UGH.

Anywhoo...here at work, need to start focusing. Had a hard time getting up today after the busy weekend, but food wise, I am doing well. I am so aware of what everyone else is eating, and I nibble, nibble, nibble. Had a few stuck episodes over the weekend, but I am starting to think before I eat more and more.

Alas, back to the grind!

xoxoxo
A

Drips and Drabs

Hi there,
I have been, like it seems everyone else in blogland, swamped lately. Work is hectic, I am studying from my PMP (Project Management Professional) credential, preparing for my daughter's 3 year old birthday party this Sunday, coping with my husband's health issues- high blood pressure is the numero uno issue this week, and in general, being super woman.

I am sure all of most of you can relate! That's why I love reading your blogs- I don't feel so alone in my chaotic, stressful, joyous life! So, thanks.

At work now, so I can't write much, but I wanted to tell you that I am steadily, but slowly losing! I am excited to be at 63lbs down now. It is taking me time to move the scale down, but it's moving, so I ain't complaining.  I notice the difference in my clothes, my face, and people are commenting. It's  nice. I seem to be losing well too- my legs, waist, ass, face are all losing proportionally.  My tummy is, I guess getting smaller, but it's so flabby, it's got to go!  On that note, I am joining a Zumba class! Starts Monday, is here at work, at 5:15, and is $10 a class. I am psyched!

That's it. Onward and Downward!

xoxoxoxo
A

Sweet Sixty and Sharing

Sweet Sixty!

Great news friends! I have hit the 60lb mark in my weight loss journey. I am so excited!! I reached the number on Saturday, and it was wonderful to see.

Sometimes it seems like it is taking forever, but the more I think about it, I think slow and steady is more my style. I have yet to join a gym, so exercise is a big part of my plan for the next phase of my weight loss. I am starting a yoga class tomorrow night- it is held here at work every Tuesday night. I have held back from joining in the past, due to family obligations, but it's time for me to make some time for myself.

I don't ususally speak about my family on this blog, but I feel like sharing today. My hubby has been going through a rough phase. He was laid off a while back, and has had a series of health issues since that time. I have been the bread winner in our family, and while I don't mind, it does get hard sometimes. I am so blessed to have a great job, and the resources to support our family. Sometimes I feel unsupportive, angry, frustrated, disappointed...the list goes on. I often feel like my hubby can't get out of his own way, needs to just do SOMETHING, and just get on with things. I know it is more complicated than that, but I guess I am unsympathetic. I have been supportive, in every way, but I am getting scared.

Our vows have been tested in many ways over the years, but love remains.

We have never strayed from each other, but sickness and health, richer or poorer, in good times and in bad- yep, we've been through them all. We share a wonderul daughter, a beautiful home, and a great life. He is depressed, stressed out, and having panic attacks lately. I think it's due to the job situation, not feeling like a man, etc. He is seeing a therapist, and is on an antidepressent, but it takes time.

I am a good wife. I need to put myself first now, though. I need to stick to my goals, and not let myself get distracted from them. Is that selfish? I have to take care of my daughter, and support our family- sometimes there is not enough left over to baby my hubby. I resent that he needs to "be taken care of".

What to do? Keep on keeping on, I guess. I just needed to vent.

In band news, for those of you still reading :),  I did not get to the MD last week- with President Obama in town on Thursday, it was impossible to get to Manhattan from Brooklyn mid day. I have been very careful with my food, and things are much better. I need to get more water in, though. Does anyone else have that problem? I used to drink, literally, a gallon of water each day, when I paid attention to my diet in the past. Now, I barely drink two glasses. I drink tea (2-3 cups), as it helps with the band pre-meal, and coffee in the morning, and a cocktail once in a while at night, but water seems to be something I have a hard time with.

Anyhow. Hope you ladies have a wonderful Monday! I need to get focused on work now, I have a huge task in front of me- I am leading a break out session on technology and learning at our companies Leadership Development Institute this Wednesday and Thursday, and I need to put my nose to the grindstone.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

(and thanks for listening)

A

My New Look!!

Thanks and a very big hug goes out to the fabulous JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!! of Jen's Lap Band Journey!

Jen did an amazing job, and I encourage anyone who wants a new look to partake of her services- she is the best, and I think the blog looks great!


Thanks Jenny!!!
xoxoxoxox

MD Appointment Tomorrow

I am going to take your, and my own intuitive advice, and see Dr. Ren tomorrow. I am definitely too tight. Red, red zone! I was going to just have liquids for a few days, and see what happens, but I don't think I can take it anymore. I have a little pain in what I am imagining to be my esophogus, and now, I am getting myself all in a dither about all of the bad things that could be happening.

I know that everything is okay, I am fine. I am tight, and irritated, and that's why I am PBing. Got it.

xooxxo

What's New With Me?

Couple of things. Firstly, Jenny is working on my blog!!!! I have been so excited to see what she has for me as the final product, but I can tell you the drafts have been AMAZING!! Jenny is the bomb. I can't wait to do the big reveal later this week (fingers crossed)!

Secondly, coconut creme hershey kisses? OMG.  Very good. Just had about 8 of them. Not so great, but a very nice little treat. I needed chocolate bad.

Thirdly- I think I am too tight. I can't eat without PBing. I hate it. I feel like I have no enjoyment in food anymore. It's like a chore to eat. Sometimes I chew the food to taste and spit it out before I swallow. Very dangerous behavior. Like today, I wanted a beef pattie. I wanted to eat it. I chewed it up so fine, swallowed, and yep, here she goes again, pb.  Maybe it's just bread that I can't eat? Who am I kidding? I had a hard time with my protien shake today.  I want to lose quickly, and at the same time not PB. I don't want esopohogeal problems. Or band slippage! Should I get a little bit out?  I am so close to 60 lbs gone, I can taste it (no pun intended).  AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  I don't even feel like grocery shopping (I have a family to feed, too....). I can't stand food at this point, and it's very sad.

I am not making much sense, right?

My daughter will be three in a couple of weeks. I ordered the invites today from tinyprints. Very cute, and not too expensive. We are having a family and friends brunch- she doesn't have friends yet, outside her twin cousins who are the same age, so it's mostly adults, one teenager, one ten year old and three three year old girls. I am going to have a brunch on a Sunday- less worries of people driving home in tons of Sunday afternoon traffic, and who doesn't love brunch food? I do! (Or, I did, when I could eat... WAH!!!!). My sister has a lap band too- very recent, and she's a little more hard core than I am, (rule follower to the max), and I am sure she is going to be so skinny soon. Maybe I will see what she eats, and try to do the same. I know that she cuts her food up, or uses a food chopper- interesting. I always think that I chew til my jaw falls off, but maybe my bites are too big.

Oh well, if you are still reading, big hugs, xoxoxoxos, and happy chewing!

A

Checking In

Howdy folks,
Just a quickie to say hi. I had an appt yesterday with Dr. K in SI. She is so beautiful in person- it was the first time I saw "her" as oppossed to her picture.  Anyway, I was up on the scale, but I know it's due to the TOM. For sure. I weighed myself the morning before and I was five pounds less! Five pounds. Whatever.

So, the period aside, I calculate that I have lost eight pounds from my last fill. Yay! Reality wise, it's more like 3, but we'll see next month. I did not have a fill, I told her I feel pretty good, not hungry before meals, etc. I met a few interesting people in the waiting room. It's awesome how people share their stories so easily!  I learned that if you have an iron deficiency, that black strap molasses is the way to go! Who knew?

So, tonight is our Employee Awards dinner. I'm excited. It sounds so lame, but it's nice to have a nice night out! My hubby is picking up my daughter, and spending time with his Mom, son, and sister, who will all spoil Morgan rotten, which is awesome, because I will be able to be out and guilt free. I have to drive home to NJ afterwards, but I will have one cocktail or glass of wine!  The affair is 3 hours or so, so it should not be a problem. 

Hope you are all enjoying Spring, and losing lots of weight!
xoxo
A

Hello, Green Zone for One, Please!

Yes, chicka likkas, I think I am in it. The green zone. I can't believe it. 

I am back to losing again, and it's wonderful. I have lost about 2.5 lbs per week since my fill last month. Really, really, awesome. I still move up and down a bit day to day, but mostly in the downward direction these days.

Aside from Easter dinner, I haven't really been hungry. I eat a little, and am learning my limits. I can tell when I CAN eat, and when I CAN'T- i.e., when I am loose enough to eat, or too tight to eat. I can really only eat enjoyably at lunchtime, which I eat with a hot cup of tea.

Breakfast is very iffy- a protien shake after my coffee, is a maybe, and most of the time, greek  yogurt is too thick early in the am.  I don't care, I'm not much of a breakfast person.  Dinner is hard to eat. If I do, I usually eat too fast, or take bites that are too big. I think I am hungry, but I am so tight, it's hard to keep anything down. I am going to try having a hot cup of tea first, we'll see. The thing is that when I don't eat at night, I am not hungry afterward. I may have a glass of wine, cocktail, or cup of tea later on in the evening. Depends, but I am not looking for snacks.


Friday I was off and got so much done- shopping, cleaning, playing with my daughter, laundry, food shopping, etc. I got home with Morgan, and just felt dead. I had such a pain in my back, radiating down my hip, and my knee bursitis was not helping. Agony. My MD called in a prescription for me, and now, I am all better. It's amazing how pain can affect everything- from your comfort level to your mood. Believe me, the effect on my mood was very bad. I tried to keep my daughter busy, I was super tight, and in agony, all day Saturday. Despite my agony, I took my daughter on a bunch of errands again, including the paint a pottery place, the pizzaria, the library, Avenue, and Walmart!  She was a trooper.  I needed to keep her out of the house, so my hubby and stepson could clean. They are a cleaning team! It's awesome to not have to clean. I hate it.

Anyway, by the time we got home Saturday afternoon, I was shot. My body was killing me, and my nerves were shot from dealing with my daughter who is in a very difficult phase right now. No listening, hitting, doing raspberries when I ask her to do something! It's very aggravating, but I know (HOPE), it's a phase. I love being with her, she's so funny sometimes.  Anyway, when I got home, my hubby let me know that the MD called in a script, and he picked it up from the pharmacy. Sweet relief!!


I hosted Easter at my home yesterday. We had a small group- hubby, Morgan and I. Mom and Dad. Sissy, brother in law, and the twins. It was a very relaxed day, although, that could have been the pain medicine I took for my back!  I made ham, scalloped potatoes, asparagus, carrots and biscuits. Hummingbird cake for dessert, and Mom brought cheesecake and rugelach. Yum. I couldn't eat much, but tasted everything.
 
 
The only trouble is that I am SOOO tired today. Totally tired. Like can't keep my eyes open, tired. I hate that. I didn't wash my hair today in the shower- sounds crazy, but I think it attributes to my lack of awakeness! When I am under the hot water, my head seems to clear, and help wake me up. Who am I kidding- it's the medicine and the lack of sleep that is making me tired! Today, I was up at 5:30- ugh. I didn't even take a pain pill today- who knows?

Anyway. I have an appt. on Wednesday of this week. I am not sure about a fill- let's see how I do on the scale.

xoxox

A

I Want To Scream

I am feeling a little emotional and insecure. I hate that!

On the one hand, I feel great about my appearance- my old clothes are fitting, and it's wonderful. I tried on a size 18 JNY dress (a classic from 8 years ago!), and it fit! I couldn't believe it. I am so confused about sizing though. I gained weight after having my daughter, and my body has changed. I am smaller in some areas than others (waah...the perils of breast feeding and losing 55lbs), and bigger in others- stomach in particular. 

On the other hand, I have let one stupid conversation with a collegue to get me all insecure that I am being "passed up". Lately, a flurry of emails announcing promotions, etc. have been coming around. I haven't been pursuing anything specifically of late, since my daughter is small, and I HAVE work/life balance now, LOVE my team, am extremely fairly compensated, and love my job. I feel like I want to be one of the top dogs here, and as others inch their way up around me, while I stay where I am, it gets upsetting. Not that I necessarily WANT a different job/title/ etc. I run my organizations project management department, we manage strategic people, process, and information system projects- basically, anything with a large budget.  I have a lot of responsibility, but I don't "own" the work I do. Think internal consultant.

I am a director. Not bad. It would be nice to be a VP, but whatever. Do I want to get into operations? I am not sure. I kind of like what I do now. Someday, I would like to get back into operations, but I don't know if the time is right.  Why do I need to compare myself to others, and when I do, why is it that I feel shitty afterward. I am in a great place in my career,  and home life. I want to appreciate it.

Maybe this will help.

I actually feel better.

xxoxoxoxoxox
A

PS- If none of this makes sense, sorry!

Meetings at 4pm On A Friday

Really?

Happy Sunday!

Feeling better post un-fill, although, I need to be more careful than I ever have been before- duh, I have a lap band...that's what supposed to happen. I am not hungry at all, although I am very thirsty.

I felt kinda tight today, but was dying of thirst while on the way to Lowe's to buy a bunch of outdoor stuff. My hubby and Robby went in the Honda, and Momo and I went in the FJ. Enroute to the Holmdel Lowes I rech for my water and take a big gulp. Thank goodness for the lights on Rt. 35, I grabbed a bag that was on the seat next to me, and slimed out the water...onto my sweater, all over my jeans, and lap! Damn bag had a huge hole in it. Good times.

Morgan was in rare form, and I was very stressed out all day with her. She doesn't want to do anything I ask her to do- go on the potty, pick up the toys...it goes on and on.  At the grocery store, she was hungry. A banana, a granola bar, some crackers later, she announced in her loudest voice- MOMMY!!!!!!! I WANT A SANDWICH!!!!!!!!! Desperate now, I ask what kind? MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She screamed.  One woman in particular thought she was adorable- "so CUTE!  That blonde hair, and blue eyes...what a beauty! She's not even three yet???  She must look just like your husband!!!!  Wow, her verbal skills are so excellent..." Blah, blah, blah.  She is a terror on wheels!

I find the more stressed out I get, the tighter I get.  Anyone else have that problem???

A good weekend all around though! How was yours??
xoxoxo
A

ps- I love my munchkin, she is just going through a particularly DIFFICULT stage! (I HOPE) :)

Bursitis, Fill, Night of Sliming, Unfill, Lost Follower :(

Hey there,

So, what a week I have had! My eating has been so-so lately, and I needed to get me some religion on the band front. I scheduled an appointment in Staten Island, where the NYU docs come monthly- it is more convenient, and the parking is a lot cheaper than going to Manhattan!

Tuesday in the office, I suddenly was besieged with a terrible pain in my knee. It came on suddenly, and was radiating up and down my right leg for the whole afternoon. I decided to drive the 1.5 hours home anyway (mistake), and pick my daughter up at my Mom's in SI. The entire ride there was intensely painful. My leg was killing me! Somehow the driving position is the worst one of all. I stayed home Wednesday, worked from home yesterday, and then saw a doctor for my knee- which wasn't getting better, btw.  The doctor took an x-ray, and felt around my knee and leg. I did some movements, and the final diagnosis is bursitis. The treatment is an anti-inflammatory.

Since we were both home, the hubby and I decided to go for Thai food after the doctor's appointment- I ordered skewered chicken strips with peanut sauce and pickled cucumbers. Yum. I could only eat two of them, and a small mini spring roll, when I had to go off to PB. Yuck. By the time we were done with lunch, I was feeling okay, and decided to make the drive to SI for my fill.  The scale has been all over the place lately, and I thought a fill would be just what I need, mentally, and physically.

I did lie when the doctor said, "no regurgitation, reflux, or vomiting, right?" I said, I do not have reflux, but I do PB sometimes when I am not super careful.  He said, "one cc sound good?" I just nodded. I sipped the water afterward, and it felt a little funny, but okay. The entire ride home, however, was hell. My knee was in agony, and the water was not staying down. I could have turned around to go back to the MD's office, but instead I pressed on, because at the same time, my cell starts ringing, and it turns out I got the delivery dates wrong on our fresh milk and egg delivery- the guy was cool on the phone, and agreed to leave the stuff outside our house, and I could pay next time.  This was my first delivery from the dairy co-op, so I felt embarrassed, but happy, that they were so patient. I did want to rush home, however, because I didn't like the idea of leaving milk, cream, butter, and eggs outside the house for any longer than I had to. Since the products are "raw", and this was my first delivery, I wasn't sure what to expect.

Long story short, I got home, put the stuff away, and decided to have a glass of milk. It's liquid, so I figured it would be ok. Not so ok. It, along with the water I had been sipping in the car came up. All night I was trying to sip tea, water, iced tea, etc. to no avail. I finally went to bed, and was up half the night coughing up water and SLIME. I never saw so much slime in my life! How is it that a few sips of water can generate gallons of slime? Not to gross you out, but it is a wonder, isn't it?

Flash forward to today- knee still hurts, at work, decided to get a little unfill. Went off to NYU at my lunch time, and Frank took out .6. I think I now have 6.3 in my band. I was able to drink the water, and just finished my protein shake! Sweet relief!!  The good news is that I have lost nine pounds since my last visit in February. I need to keep it up though, and hopefully this fill will do the trick.

Lastly, I have lost a follower. Waah. I know I am not as engaging, or dramatic as some, but it really sucks to see that number go down!  Was it something I said, or didn't say?  Alas, I am not the most popular blogger, but that's not what it is about anyway.

Now. Back to work.  TGIF!!

Have a great weekend! I will be digging myself out of a mountain of laundry, drinking liquids, and playing with my beautiful daughter! Hopefully the knee will have a dramatic recovery since the hubby, kids, and I were planning on a nice bike ride.  Oh well.

xoxooxoxxoox

A

Goals

As the first quarter reports begin to roll in, and since I hit my 6 month bandiversary on 4/1, I have decided to move ahead with some goals myself, for the remaining three quarters of 2011.  I am only going to have five- one important rule of goal setting is to make them reasonable, and measurable.

Q2'11 Goals (4/1-6/30)


*Lose 30 pounds by June 30th

*Journal my food in myfitnesspal daily

*Drink 8-10 glasses of water per day
*Join the gym, and go three times a week

*Blog at least 3 times a week

Yay! Weekend Almost Here!

Today, I have been consicous of my eating, and logging everything.

I went out to dinner with a friend last night, and we had a great time. I estimated the food I ate using my fitness pal, and yes, I am over for the day. I am not sweating it, though, since I documented everything, and probably overestimated on my portion sizes. I did have three glasses of sangria, which I enjoyed enormously. It was a tapas place, so the servings are small, and between us we ordered four tapas plates, and one order of guacamole. YUM!  The first dish was calamari with a delish aioli. No can do on the calamari, which I somehow forgot until after the first bite. No amount of chewing will ever make fried calamari okay for me!

The second dish was three small crab cakes- we had one and a half each- about 2 inches in diameter, and a quarter inch in height.  Very good.

The third dish was this delicious shrimp wrapped in a plaintain (fried) with a yummy creamy sauce. There were three shrimp on the plate- one and a half each.

The fourth dish was also yummy- grilled eggplant wrapped around some kind of cheese, with a merengue sauch- not sure what that is, exactly, but yummy. We had two each of those.

All in all, I really enjoyed myself, had no pb's- one close call with the calamari ring, which, thankfully was averted.

Today, I have been good. coffee, tea, cheese, and pita chips. Maybe a protien shake later, or something light.

xoxo
A

Checking In

As part of my accountability strategy, I am going to be blogging more often, and logging my food and activity on fitness pal. I started this morning, after weighing myself, and having gained five pounds.

Is it possible to gain 5 pounds in three days? Probably.  It's jolting, revolting, and motiviating, however, and that is what is most important.

Today I have eaten: protien shake with 1% milk and half banana; coffee with half and half (aprox. 3tbsp).

Lunch will be cheese, tea with 1% milk and splenda, greek yogurt, and some pita chips.

Tonight, I am going out with a friend (finally!!! a "me" activity!) to a tapas place, where I will be super careful, since I have a hard time eating at night anyway, and don't want to freak my friend out by pbing at the dinner table, or running to the bathroom frequently.

xoxo
A

PS- i am giving away the GS Cookies!

Reality Check

Truth: I am sitting on my laurels, and not working the band like I need to be.

Truth: I ate an entire box of peanut butter girl scout cookies today.

Truth: I need to get my ass in gear, and get back to the MD.

Truth: I am eating high calorie foods, sliders, and things to sabotage myself.

Truth: I need to get to the bottom of WHY I AM DOING THIS TO MYSELF.

There it is, in black and white. I need help.

xoxox
A

Better

Things are better on the home front. My sister and I exchanged texts, and she's "over it". Whew. I didn't really want to go there again- too emotionally charged, and I have enough on my plate right now.

I am thinking of getting my cousin to do a feng shui consultation for me at home and in the office. I am open minded about these things, and I could use the expert design help! 

Hope everyone is doing well. I have been tight as anything lately. No puking today, thank God.

Talk tomorrow.

xoxox
A

Buffaloes!

Does anyone else remember these shoes? These were what I called "buffaloes" when I was a kid- grade school.  Every summer for a few years, a new pair of  buffaloes was part of the summer wardrobe must haves. I am feeling nostalgic, and have to get these shoes. I love them.

Love them.

I have been dreaming of them for years, just googled buffalo shoes and found them! You can buy them at Nordtroms!  They originated in Brooklyn! (just like me)

Problem: I still wear a size 12, I think. Will my feel shrink? They only go up to 11.

I may buy them anyway!

xoxo
A

PS- still depressed over my sissy :( being mad at me

The Bad Sister

Hi Guys,
So, my sister is mad at me. Really, really, really, really MAD!  I feel so badly, but at the same time, I don't accept her anger toward me as completely valid.  I will explain.

I mentioned in my previous post that we had a big party for my Dad's 70th, at my house on Saturday.  My sister, mom, brother, and I, "together" hosted.  I did the invites, bought the gift, provided the space for the party (clean up pre and post), made the punch.  My Sister ordered and picked up the cake, bought the decorations, ordered the food, put up the decorations, helped set up the snacks, put away the food, cleaned up (I didn't ask her to do any of that). My Mom set up the snacks, cleaned up, did a lot of the prep. Other cousins helped with this and that. My hubby and stepson cleaned the outside, set up the coolers on the deck, bought the ice, and generally did more than most men would.

My hubby noticed my sister was not herself, and mentioned it to me yesterday. I called her, and she started screaming that she is "sick of being treated like a serf", and that she would have liked to socialize, (like I did- she didn't say that, but it was implied). I tried to explain that I am not a mind reader (she assumed I should have known she was pissed, or just done more from the get go), and that since it was my house, I felt like I needed to show people where the bathrooms were, where to put the coats, check on the girls and the babysitter, and give people the tour (we bought the house a year ago this past November, and most people hadn't seen it yet).  Anyway, she is pissed. Not just at me, but at my brother and sister in law too, but she won't communicate that to them, she only exploded at me when I asked her what was wrong.

I love my sister so much, but the truth is, that we are not as close as I would like us to be.  There have been many times where I sense some resentment, but she says nothing. I know everyone is different, and that not everyone is as direct as me (good and bad trait, I know!!), and that I need to be sensitive.  I feel badly, but I suspect there is more to this anger than just this incident on Saturday.  In retrospect, I would have done things differently, but it's not like I had nothing to do but stand around, drink wine, and look pretty!  Believe me, even if people help put leftovers away, having 40 adults and 25 kids in your house, running inside and out, tracking mud everywhere leaves quite a bit to do when people leave.  I don't care about that, it's fine with me. I just resent that she has this victim mentatlity, but doesn't own up to her anger when she is experiencing it, but rather, letting it pile up and spew forth. 

I want to give here some space, me some space too, but I feel horrible, am sorry, but am sick of being the bad sister.

Thanks for letting me vent.

xoxoxo
A

Haven't Been Around Much....

Hello Friends!
So, between the stomach flu, which completely ransacked my family, and the preparations for my Dad's 70th  birthday party that we hosted, this has been a crazy week!  My hubby, mom, dad, sister, 2 nieces, daughter, and me, a little, all were hit terribly with the bug! What a horror!

To top it off, my little girl is completely CONSTIPATED!  It is very sad. She is backed up to China, and it is not pretty! I took her to the MD this week, and they are going conservative- miralax, gummy pedialax, and a McIntosh apple every day at 3pm with a glass of water. I am hopeful, but getting discouraged, since it's not moving.

Today we hosted my entire family for my Dad's 70th birthday. It was a lot of prep, but my Dad was ecstatic, and everyone had a great time. We had approx. 40 adults, and 30 kids between 6 months and 17.  Most of them were between 7 and 12, which made for an entertaining day. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold, and they ran around outside a lot!  I hired a babysitter to watch my daughter and two twin neices, who are the same age.  That girl earned her money today!  It was great, because I have no other babysitter besides my Mom, and they seemed to bond with her.  Maybe hubby and I can go out for an evening now?

All in all, doing well with the band. Many compliments on my appearance, which is always nice. I ate a little, but am pretty tight these days, so kept it in check, for the most part.

I am now amazed at the amount of food people put on their plate!  Not just at the party, which I didn't notice, particulaly, but in general. I guess this thing is working! Now, if I could cut out the sugar, I would be golden.

So sorry I missed the brunch in NYC due to the bug, but am hoping for another local brunch soon, so I can meet some of you.

xoxooxox
A

Sick Daughter- no Brunch For Mommy

Waaaaaaah! I am not coming. My daughter was up puking bile all night, and while I am so tempted to leave her with my hubby, I just can't. I am so sad.

Handwriting Sample, New Pic, Happy Friday!

Hello Lovelies!
Things have been very stressful here in Annie land.  My hubby has been having a hard time lately, and it's been very tough. Not to get into too many details here, it seems like things are turning around and he has a plan to begin feeling better. 

I was catching up on blogs, and saw a post by the lovely Dinnerland regarding handwriting. I, too, am fascinated, and thought I would participate.  I am attaching a photo of my handwriting, taken, here at work, while on a conference call (what else is new?), and an up to the minute pic of yours truly as well.

Weight has been moving in the right direction, but too many ups and downs to update the ticker at this point. I am hoping that by the end of next week, I will be at a new low. I have been tracking, and being more mindful of what I put in my mouth, which, can be a revelation! 

I find that I seem to eat the most at midday- at work, lunch. Usually soup or some cheese and crackers, or some peanut butter and crackers (OMG- Trader Joe's has phenomenal natural peanut butter with roasted flax seeds- two tablespoons is a serving, and is quite a bit- very satisfying!)  Bread is basically out,  unless toasted very crispy. I am even off the pita chips these days.  One bright light is that I seem to be embracing spicy food again- I basically cut it all pre-band due to searning reflux, which, thankfully, has disappeared. I did have one episode when I was overfilled, but so far so good.  I had chicken with hot sauce on a pita from the cart outside my office. The bread was a bust, but the chicken tasted so good. The end result was that I ate about half of the chicken, and a few bites of bread. Had a few PBs, which is nasty, but all in all not too bad.  I am chewing my jaw off, but still need to work on my bite size.  This has been a real challenge for me, but as I become more and more mindful of what I put in my mouth, it is getting easier.

I am so excited about the bandster brunch NYC next week!!!!!! I can't wait to meet those coming, and am hoping that I can relax and enjoy, and not be shy.  I have been described as one of the most confident, yet insecure people in existence. I wish I could just be quietly confident, and leave it at that.

Here are the pics!

xoxox
Annie