2 More Down!

So, first the good news! I am down two more pounds. I am now a svelte 278! I know that does not seem at all svelte, but I sure feel svelte! I went shopping yesterday and am in the 18s and some 20s. I am very excited, and eager to keep the scale moving in the right direction, so that I can say farewell to the plus size section in the next year! YAY! 

Ok, so now for the bad news. I think I am again too tight. Ugh. I never got that unfill last month, and I think I am around 6.8. As I have said, bread of any type is out, and by the way, so are hot dogs (sans bun)- not a pleasant experience yesterday. I woke up with a thought yesterday morning that it seems very harsh that the one thing I truly loved doing (eating) is now making me sick. I feel like an alcoholic on antabuse- that's the drug they give alcoholics to get them to stop drinking- (if they drink, they get violently ill, although, I don't have any experience with that drug, it's information I've acquired through watching tv :)

 If I try to eat the wrong thing (who knows what that is), or too fast, I get stuck. Getting stuck is a vicious cycle. Stuck begets stuckness- the pb causes more pbs (unless I stop eating altogether- which I guess I am suppossed to do!). 

I started today with a protien shake and coffee. So far, so good. I am going to take it easy the next day or so, and then on Thursday, when I go back to the MD, I may ask for a small unfill. .1 or .2.  Honestly, they seem a little reluctant to take any out, or maybe that's my imagination? I did have a big loss this month- like 12lbs, so, I guess I could live with the level of tightness, but who wants to?  I don't want to be miserable! I even chewed some orzo salad and spit it out before it could get stuck yesterday, just because I wanted to taste it.  Needless to say, I am not the best dining companion these days.

Am I alone with this craziness????????  Hunger is not the problem, at least 90% of the time. I am still figuring out how to train my brain, I guess. I want to be at 100 down by 10/1!!!!!

Contemplating joining a pool club, but not sure- anyone familiar with the Holmdel, Marlboro, or Hazlet pool clubs? I am not that concerned about my figure in a bathing suit- I have a three year old to entertain to keep my mind off that, and that's why God invented miraclesuits and cute wraps. My main concern is the Mommies- are they clannish stay at home'rs with rich hubbies and BMWs? Will they shun me because I have a career and my hubby is an edgy rock dude (no alligators on his chest)? Will we fit in? Ugh. Why do I care about these things?? It's so bizarre that the biggest concern I have is not about my weight!



Love you!
xxoxoxoxoxooxox
A

YAY!

Things seem to be moving in the right direction! I am 66lbs down now, which is awesome. I feel better, physically, which people have told me that they also experienced when their BMI went below 40.  I am not hungry much, and I am being pretty careful about what I am eating, as I do have problems with stuckness at times. I am considering a slight unfill- maybe .1 or so? There are some things I just can't eat without having a problem- like bread. Does everyone have this problem? I know there are those of us who keep their band on the looser side- not loose, per se, but not tight either, and have had great success. I think I am going to ask for a slight unfill, but want to be on liquids, or soft foods for a few days before my next appt., which is on the 2nd.  I don't want to take out too much if my band is just irritated, and not tight.

What a delicate balance this whole band thing is!

This weekend is, hopefully, going to be on the quiet side. We are going out with dear friends tonight for dinner and a walk on the boardwalk at Asbury Park. Should be fun! We are bringing the kiddies, and it should not be a late night. On a crummy note, I think I am getting a sinus infection. My throat and sinuses are killling me!

Have a wonderful weekend lovelies! Enjoy and be safe.

xoxoxox
A

UGH!

This is the word of the weekend, and now of Monday too. Ugh.

I have been finding myself saying it under my breath all weekend, and now all day. Maybe it has something to do with the dismal weather we are having? Gray, damp, chilly, UGH!

So the big birthday bash- brunch was yesterday, and it was great. Stressful getting it all together, as always, and my hubby told me if I ever mention having another "early" party, it's over for me.  He even said, we're done with parties. Done??? The entertaining season is just starting!!   Clearly we need to have some space from this most recent entertaining escapade before we plan the  next one.  I guess the Memorial Day Family BBQ at my house (that I just thought up a few minutes ago) is off?  UGH.

Anywhoo...here at work, need to start focusing. Had a hard time getting up today after the busy weekend, but food wise, I am doing well. I am so aware of what everyone else is eating, and I nibble, nibble, nibble. Had a few stuck episodes over the weekend, but I am starting to think before I eat more and more.

Alas, back to the grind!

xoxoxo
A

Drips and Drabs

Hi there,
I have been, like it seems everyone else in blogland, swamped lately. Work is hectic, I am studying from my PMP (Project Management Professional) credential, preparing for my daughter's 3 year old birthday party this Sunday, coping with my husband's health issues- high blood pressure is the numero uno issue this week, and in general, being super woman.

I am sure all of most of you can relate! That's why I love reading your blogs- I don't feel so alone in my chaotic, stressful, joyous life! So, thanks.

At work now, so I can't write much, but I wanted to tell you that I am steadily, but slowly losing! I am excited to be at 63lbs down now. It is taking me time to move the scale down, but it's moving, so I ain't complaining.  I notice the difference in my clothes, my face, and people are commenting. It's  nice. I seem to be losing well too- my legs, waist, ass, face are all losing proportionally.  My tummy is, I guess getting smaller, but it's so flabby, it's got to go!  On that note, I am joining a Zumba class! Starts Monday, is here at work, at 5:15, and is $10 a class. I am psyched!

That's it. Onward and Downward!

xoxoxoxo
A

Sweet Sixty and Sharing

Sweet Sixty!

Great news friends! I have hit the 60lb mark in my weight loss journey. I am so excited!! I reached the number on Saturday, and it was wonderful to see.

Sometimes it seems like it is taking forever, but the more I think about it, I think slow and steady is more my style. I have yet to join a gym, so exercise is a big part of my plan for the next phase of my weight loss. I am starting a yoga class tomorrow night- it is held here at work every Tuesday night. I have held back from joining in the past, due to family obligations, but it's time for me to make some time for myself.

I don't ususally speak about my family on this blog, but I feel like sharing today. My hubby has been going through a rough phase. He was laid off a while back, and has had a series of health issues since that time. I have been the bread winner in our family, and while I don't mind, it does get hard sometimes. I am so blessed to have a great job, and the resources to support our family. Sometimes I feel unsupportive, angry, frustrated, disappointed...the list goes on. I often feel like my hubby can't get out of his own way, needs to just do SOMETHING, and just get on with things. I know it is more complicated than that, but I guess I am unsympathetic. I have been supportive, in every way, but I am getting scared.

Our vows have been tested in many ways over the years, but love remains.

We have never strayed from each other, but sickness and health, richer or poorer, in good times and in bad- yep, we've been through them all. We share a wonderul daughter, a beautiful home, and a great life. He is depressed, stressed out, and having panic attacks lately. I think it's due to the job situation, not feeling like a man, etc. He is seeing a therapist, and is on an antidepressent, but it takes time.

I am a good wife. I need to put myself first now, though. I need to stick to my goals, and not let myself get distracted from them. Is that selfish? I have to take care of my daughter, and support our family- sometimes there is not enough left over to baby my hubby. I resent that he needs to "be taken care of".

What to do? Keep on keeping on, I guess. I just needed to vent.

In band news, for those of you still reading :),  I did not get to the MD last week- with President Obama in town on Thursday, it was impossible to get to Manhattan from Brooklyn mid day. I have been very careful with my food, and things are much better. I need to get more water in, though. Does anyone else have that problem? I used to drink, literally, a gallon of water each day, when I paid attention to my diet in the past. Now, I barely drink two glasses. I drink tea (2-3 cups), as it helps with the band pre-meal, and coffee in the morning, and a cocktail once in a while at night, but water seems to be something I have a hard time with.

Anyhow. Hope you ladies have a wonderful Monday! I need to get focused on work now, I have a huge task in front of me- I am leading a break out session on technology and learning at our companies Leadership Development Institute this Wednesday and Thursday, and I need to put my nose to the grindstone.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

(and thanks for listening)

A

My New Look!!

Thanks and a very big hug goes out to the fabulous JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!! of Jen's Lap Band Journey!

Jen did an amazing job, and I encourage anyone who wants a new look to partake of her services- she is the best, and I think the blog looks great!


Thanks Jenny!!!
xoxoxoxox

MD Appointment Tomorrow

I am going to take your, and my own intuitive advice, and see Dr. Ren tomorrow. I am definitely too tight. Red, red zone! I was going to just have liquids for a few days, and see what happens, but I don't think I can take it anymore. I have a little pain in what I am imagining to be my esophogus, and now, I am getting myself all in a dither about all of the bad things that could be happening.

I know that everything is okay, I am fine. I am tight, and irritated, and that's why I am PBing. Got it.

xooxxo

What's New With Me?

Couple of things. Firstly, Jenny is working on my blog!!!! I have been so excited to see what she has for me as the final product, but I can tell you the drafts have been AMAZING!! Jenny is the bomb. I can't wait to do the big reveal later this week (fingers crossed)!

Secondly, coconut creme hershey kisses? OMG.  Very good. Just had about 8 of them. Not so great, but a very nice little treat. I needed chocolate bad.

Thirdly- I think I am too tight. I can't eat without PBing. I hate it. I feel like I have no enjoyment in food anymore. It's like a chore to eat. Sometimes I chew the food to taste and spit it out before I swallow. Very dangerous behavior. Like today, I wanted a beef pattie. I wanted to eat it. I chewed it up so fine, swallowed, and yep, here she goes again, pb.  Maybe it's just bread that I can't eat? Who am I kidding? I had a hard time with my protien shake today.  I want to lose quickly, and at the same time not PB. I don't want esopohogeal problems. Or band slippage! Should I get a little bit out?  I am so close to 60 lbs gone, I can taste it (no pun intended).  AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  I don't even feel like grocery shopping (I have a family to feed, too....). I can't stand food at this point, and it's very sad.

I am not making much sense, right?

My daughter will be three in a couple of weeks. I ordered the invites today from tinyprints. Very cute, and not too expensive. We are having a family and friends brunch- she doesn't have friends yet, outside her twin cousins who are the same age, so it's mostly adults, one teenager, one ten year old and three three year old girls. I am going to have a brunch on a Sunday- less worries of people driving home in tons of Sunday afternoon traffic, and who doesn't love brunch food? I do! (Or, I did, when I could eat... WAH!!!!). My sister has a lap band too- very recent, and she's a little more hard core than I am, (rule follower to the max), and I am sure she is going to be so skinny soon. Maybe I will see what she eats, and try to do the same. I know that she cuts her food up, or uses a food chopper- interesting. I always think that I chew til my jaw falls off, but maybe my bites are too big.

Oh well, if you are still reading, big hugs, xoxoxoxos, and happy chewing!

A