I'm Ready

So, this is my first entry of my "band" blog. Yay!



Background:

Female, age 41, Virgo

Over-achiever

Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter

Enabler?

Tall

Beautiful

Obese

Pre-surgical interviews/consult 7/3-0-8/4



As my two year old daughter would say..."here my go..."



I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I always remember being bigger, even when I was a kid. Always tall (I'm 5'11), and bigger than most kids my age, I spent most of my childhood and early adolescence being a tomboy- acting uninterested in boys to ward off any one noticing me as anything other than a scully or skateboarding friend, and in my mind, preventing ridicule.



Thinking back, I remember being in like 7th grade, or so- 11 or 12, and going on a diet. I was 157lbs and got down to 147. I was about 5'5. There was a boy that I liked, but I was ashamed of how I looked, so I stayed away. It was certainly a little crush, but I felt fat, and looking back, I was a little soft, but hardly fat. Like the other girls my age, I still wore drawstring shorts, short sleeve shirts, and buffalo shoes, but I tried to be invisible.



Fast forward twenty years or so- I met my hubby ten years ago, and we married in 2005. Together we have a beautiful daughter, who just turned two. She is the light of my life. My husband loves me for me, has always been supportive, and continues to be supportive of my choice to have gastric banding. I am blessed to also have a step son, who is thirteen, and who fills me with hope for the next generation of men- he is truly a wonderful person!



I have been on a diet a few times- "Diet Center" when I was in my late teens- I lost about 30 lbs or so, and was around 189. I also tried Nutrisystem- in my early twenties- I probably weighed around 230? In my late twenties/early thirties, it was a low carb/high protein with intese exercise- I started at 280 and got down to 240. Honestly, I felt pretty hot at 240, which is crazy, right? I have had half hearted attempts at weight loss, only to sabotage myself. I always say, "I have to be ready to lose weight..." What am I waiting for? I guess the answer is to do it for me. To lose weight for me, FIRST. Not my parents, society, acceptance, love, my boyfriend... For me.

Now that I am over 40, and so blessed to have it all, the last thing to accomplish is the weight loss. I'm ready. I know I can do it. I will need support, and I'm not afraid to ask for it- that's part of the reason for my blog. Hopefully, there are people out there who relate, and have been where I am, and who in the future I can motivate too.



So here I am. 300+ pounds. I haven't weighed myself in a few months, and I am afraid to get on. I have come to the decision that I need to do something different- I need some help. I know that the lap band is not a magic bullet- it takes work, exercise, discipline. I am ready. I can't wait to lose this extra person I have been dragging around!



Here are my reasons:

1. Be healthy

2. Embrace activity again- I remember loving exercise when it wasn't torture

3. Be a role model to my daughter and twin two year old neices

4. Be able to shop and pick out any size 12 confidently!

5. Shoe size shrink? I am a size 12W (try buying shoes- it's not easy!)

6. Rock out a hot swimsuit

7. Feel sexy again. I haven't felt sexy in about 50lbs

8. Be more attractive

9. Zumba

10. Gain control of my destiny and life



Reading all of the blogs out there has really inspired me. Amy, in particular, and Catherine are very inspirational. I hope to be an inspiration too. Thanks for reading, and for joining me on this exciting and scary ride!

xxoxox

Annie