Hey there,
So, I had my fill (5.0 cc's), and I feel... nothing. I am scheduled for another fill next week- the 21st. I am trying to be good until then, but I did have a piece of carrot cake today. Ugh.
I am up about 12 ish pounds from my low, and I want that number to come back. I notice it in my face, mostly, and around my middle. Flattering, right? Awesome.
In the midst of holiday fetes, drinking upsurges, and high stress, this is the LEAST wonderful time to lose weight, or maintain, for Pete's sake, but alas, my fill on the 21st, should help tremendously. I am sure they will be ultra conservative in what they give me- probably 1.0 or less, I am thinking, since with the holidays, I am sure the place will be a ghost town.
Until then, lights, wrapping, and CARDS! I haven't done my cards yet! EEK! Guess what I will be doing this weekend? Cookies and cards!
xoxoxoxo
A
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Day Before Tomorrow
Hello!
So, here I am again, being accountable to myself! Hello, Self!
Weight- down one lb since yesterday. So far this week down seven pounds.
Food:
Thursday PM
tea with milk and splenda for ride home
matzoh brei- one and half matzoh one egg, tsp butter, ketchup (estimated portion of family meal)
vodka and lemonade
three pieces of english toffee and two spoons of ice cream
Friday AM
coffee with half and half and splenda
3ish oz. pernil with 5 or so pieces of sweet plantains and 2 tbsp rice
tea with milk and splenda
I am not making the best choices, but I am eating protein up the ying yang. The pernil and plantains were a nice treat- not something I eat ever, but the mood struck. The portion was gigantic, so I spooned out some meat (served in separate container) and had a fewish pieces of plaintain. My friend ordered the rice- plain rice, so I had two plastic spoons of it which I mixed in with the cut up pork and plantains. Yum. Not stuffed, satisfied feeling, but seriously jonesing for chocolate. What's up with that??
I like not feeling like I want to hurl after eating, but I would like a bit more restriction, although the matzoh brei did not go so well last night, it was a little dryish, but yummy. It is something that my husband loves, and is a comfort type food, basically just matzoh crumbled up moistened with water, egg, pepper. I use butter in the frying pan and mix it up like scrambled eggs. Some say there are as many recipes for matzoh brei as people who love it, maybe that's true, but this is how I make it, and it's actually good.
Anyway, it's almost the weekend! YAY! I am getting color/blow out this afternoon, in an effort to beautify myself and feel good. Tomorrow I am taking Morgan to see Santa at the mall- not sure which one yet, but hopefully it will not be too stressful.
Have a great weekend!!
Annie
So, here I am again, being accountable to myself! Hello, Self!
Weight- down one lb since yesterday. So far this week down seven pounds.
Food:
Thursday PM
tea with milk and splenda for ride home
matzoh brei- one and half matzoh one egg, tsp butter, ketchup (estimated portion of family meal)
vodka and lemonade
three pieces of english toffee and two spoons of ice cream
Friday AM
coffee with half and half and splenda
3ish oz. pernil with 5 or so pieces of sweet plantains and 2 tbsp rice
tea with milk and splenda
I am not making the best choices, but I am eating protein up the ying yang. The pernil and plantains were a nice treat- not something I eat ever, but the mood struck. The portion was gigantic, so I spooned out some meat (served in separate container) and had a fewish pieces of plaintain. My friend ordered the rice- plain rice, so I had two plastic spoons of it which I mixed in with the cut up pork and plantains. Yum. Not stuffed, satisfied feeling, but seriously jonesing for chocolate. What's up with that??
I like not feeling like I want to hurl after eating, but I would like a bit more restriction, although the matzoh brei did not go so well last night, it was a little dryish, but yummy. It is something that my husband loves, and is a comfort type food, basically just matzoh crumbled up moistened with water, egg, pepper. I use butter in the frying pan and mix it up like scrambled eggs. Some say there are as many recipes for matzoh brei as people who love it, maybe that's true, but this is how I make it, and it's actually good.
Anyway, it's almost the weekend! YAY! I am getting color/blow out this afternoon, in an effort to beautify myself and feel good. Tomorrow I am taking Morgan to see Santa at the mall- not sure which one yet, but hopefully it will not be too stressful.
Have a great weekend!!
Annie
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Back in the Saddle
So, as part of my commitment to MYSELF, I am going to be blogging more. Thanks to everyone for your kind comments yesterday! It helps to know that I have you in my corner!
I must tell you though, that I cannot comment from work- very annoying, and while I am reading your blogs and rooting for you, you don't know that, unless I comment. I get it. I felt so good when I saw the comments you left, and I am committing to commenting from home to let you all know that I am here, and supporting you.
So, I have five cc's in my band! Yay! I am not, however in the green zone. I want to go back for another fill so bad, but I know that I need to give this level a chance. I think my sweet spot is 6.5-7. Anything more than that is treacherous for me, and even close to 7 is probably too much. I was pb'ing like crazy before, and that's not good. Having my band emptied makes me realize more than ever that I NEED this TOOL to help me. It's not the ultimate solution, however, I need to do the WORK. Maybe that's what having 5.0ccs will teach me? How to be able to eat like a regular person, but in moderation. Here's what I ate in the last 24 hours:
Wednesday
coffee with half and half and splenda
tea with milk
the chicken part of a chicken gyro- and one or two bites of the pita
one swedish fish
tea with milk
1 serving pita chips
1 vodka and lemonade
1/4 Trade Joe's spinach pie
1 vodka and lemonade
3 Trader Joe's English toffee pieces
Thursday
2 scrambled eggs, 1 slice of cheese, 2 pieces of toast
coffee with half and half
That's it so far. I want to keep it real, that's the reason for the food log. I am also using My Fitness P*al, which, I love. If you don't already use it, check it out, it's awesome.
In thinking about what I ate/could eat pre-unfill, I am really eating a lot more! I could never eat bread- let alone in the morning. I ate it because I figured it would potentially de-rail lunch hunger, and I could have a sp K protein shake for lunch. We will see about that shortly!
That's it. All's well on the personal front as well- fingers crossed.
xoxoxoxo
Annie
I must tell you though, that I cannot comment from work- very annoying, and while I am reading your blogs and rooting for you, you don't know that, unless I comment. I get it. I felt so good when I saw the comments you left, and I am committing to commenting from home to let you all know that I am here, and supporting you.
So, I have five cc's in my band! Yay! I am not, however in the green zone. I want to go back for another fill so bad, but I know that I need to give this level a chance. I think my sweet spot is 6.5-7. Anything more than that is treacherous for me, and even close to 7 is probably too much. I was pb'ing like crazy before, and that's not good. Having my band emptied makes me realize more than ever that I NEED this TOOL to help me. It's not the ultimate solution, however, I need to do the WORK. Maybe that's what having 5.0ccs will teach me? How to be able to eat like a regular person, but in moderation. Here's what I ate in the last 24 hours:
Wednesday
coffee with half and half and splenda
tea with milk
the chicken part of a chicken gyro- and one or two bites of the pita
one swedish fish
tea with milk
1 serving pita chips
1 vodka and lemonade
1/4 Trade Joe's spinach pie
1 vodka and lemonade
3 Trader Joe's English toffee pieces
Thursday
2 scrambled eggs, 1 slice of cheese, 2 pieces of toast
coffee with half and half
That's it so far. I want to keep it real, that's the reason for the food log. I am also using My Fitness P*al, which, I love. If you don't already use it, check it out, it's awesome.
In thinking about what I ate/could eat pre-unfill, I am really eating a lot more! I could never eat bread- let alone in the morning. I ate it because I figured it would potentially de-rail lunch hunger, and I could have a sp K protein shake for lunch. We will see about that shortly!
That's it. All's well on the personal front as well- fingers crossed.
xoxoxoxo
Annie
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Got My Fill
Hey Chicas,
So, I got my fill, and I feel great. I had 5.0 cc's put in- as you may remember I had it emptied, and have been living with it empty since 11/2. I gained nine pounds in that time, but the good news is that I am down six of those! Yay! I love liquids!
The good news is that I feel pretty motivated.
So, here's a NSV. Today I am wearing a dress- kind of shorter than I am comfortable with, but I am wearing tights. I feel self conscious today. I did get some feedback that I look great in this dress, and when I made a face and my usual "I feel fat, my legs look terrible in this, it's so short" comment, the person said I look great, in fact, they love seeing me in dresses, and that I am extremely beautiful.
Uh.
So, it's not a sexual harrassment thing, so don't get all uncomfortable. It was kind of a nice compliment, and I took it as such. I now, no longer feel AS self conscious in my short dress.
He he he
Things are better on the home front as well, which is great. I think I hit a low point last week, when I finally posted after so long. Things are looking up!
xoxoxo
Annie
So, I got my fill, and I feel great. I had 5.0 cc's put in- as you may remember I had it emptied, and have been living with it empty since 11/2. I gained nine pounds in that time, but the good news is that I am down six of those! Yay! I love liquids!
The good news is that I feel pretty motivated.
So, here's a NSV. Today I am wearing a dress- kind of shorter than I am comfortable with, but I am wearing tights. I feel self conscious today. I did get some feedback that I look great in this dress, and when I made a face and my usual "I feel fat, my legs look terrible in this, it's so short" comment, the person said I look great, in fact, they love seeing me in dresses, and that I am extremely beautiful.
Uh.
So, it's not a sexual harrassment thing, so don't get all uncomfortable. It was kind of a nice compliment, and I took it as such. I now, no longer feel AS self conscious in my short dress.
He he he
Things are better on the home front as well, which is great. I think I hit a low point last week, when I finally posted after so long. Things are looking up!
xoxoxo
Annie
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The Last Month, and Happy Thanksgiving!
First of all, my sincerest and heartfelt Happy Thanksgiving to all of you lovely people who celebrate!
Now, what's new with me? It's been a WHOLE Month since I have blogged, although, I do read the blogs from time to time.
I had a tweak in my band that led me to be TOO TIGHT! Emergency room tight. Complete un-fill tight. Ugh.
I have been fluid free in my band for 2 weeks, and I have an appt. on the 29th to get some fluid put back in. I have been careful these last couple of weeks, but have been eating food that I hadn't been able to in a while. The overfill was completely my own fault- she wanted to put in a touch, I asked for more, the rest is history. When you cannot swallow your own spit, it sucks.
Life otherwise has been very stressful. I am blessed to have the problems I have because I can deal with them, but it's not always easy. I know everyone has their fair share these days, and I am not complaining. I am more sharing, and asking for support. My daughter is wonderful, she is growing up so quickly- 3 and a half now! wow! She is awesome.
Things with my husband have been very difficult. He is working with a new doctor, getting PT (very intense PT) three days a week, and is in a lot of pain all the time. Pain sucks. It changes everything. It changes your personality. It changes your life. We are making some strides in getting him into pain management, but that has it's challenges as well. There is a perception factor that if you are in pain and need pain medicine, that you are a druggie. It erodes your self esteem to have to ask for relief from pain- and it makes you angry to have to beg for something that will help. All very complicated.
I work in the health care industry, so I get it. I also get that patients have a right to NOT be in PAIN.
Having said all of that, it is hard to continue to be supportive in light of his difficult moods, especially when I have been carrying the load for two years now. I am blessed to be able to continue to do so, but it's hard to be superwoman, and do it with a sunny disposition 24/7!
I did start seeing a therapist a couple of months ago, and it is helpful. I am not on any anti-depressents any more- they numbed me out, and frankly, I have wasted enough time being numb. As uncomfortable as things are, I need to be 100% engaged, and present, and aware. I don't want to go through the motions anymore, and it's that spirit that makes me short with my husband when he expects me to be caring. I don't want to see a sink full of dishes when I get home with our daughter at 7:15 and then hear how hungry you are. Sorry. This anger comes out, his anger comes out, and because we don't want to fight in front of our daughter, it just festers.
Wow, this is becoming more cathartic than I expected!
So, who knows what is going to happen. I am happy he is going to be going to pain mgt in December. I am happy that I am not numb. I am happy I am getting a fill next Monday. I am also happy that I have my daughter, and I know that despite these problems, my husband and I love each other. I am not ready to throw in the towel yet and destroy a family.
Maybe the message is thankfulness. Be thankful for what you do have- I am. Be thankful for the problems you don't have- I am. Be thankful for being thankful.
Needless to say, all of this is complicated, confusing, stressful, and sad. I force myself not to turn to my old friend food during these times. Without the fluid in my band, it's easy to overdo it. I must remain mindful of the progress I have made, but I am also allowing myself a bit of a break. Obviously I am eating more that I had- out of hunger. I never had hunger when I was at a good adjustment (or even a too tight adjustment!)- I just need to get back there, without the pbing.
I am still holding onto 80 pounds lost, and I am thankful to that. I know once my band is adjusted again, I will be back on track- fall down seven times, get up eight, right??
Love to all, and all my best wishes for a wonderful holiday.
xoxoxox
Annie
Now, what's new with me? It's been a WHOLE Month since I have blogged, although, I do read the blogs from time to time.
I had a tweak in my band that led me to be TOO TIGHT! Emergency room tight. Complete un-fill tight. Ugh.
I have been fluid free in my band for 2 weeks, and I have an appt. on the 29th to get some fluid put back in. I have been careful these last couple of weeks, but have been eating food that I hadn't been able to in a while. The overfill was completely my own fault- she wanted to put in a touch, I asked for more, the rest is history. When you cannot swallow your own spit, it sucks.
Life otherwise has been very stressful. I am blessed to have the problems I have because I can deal with them, but it's not always easy. I know everyone has their fair share these days, and I am not complaining. I am more sharing, and asking for support. My daughter is wonderful, she is growing up so quickly- 3 and a half now! wow! She is awesome.
Things with my husband have been very difficult. He is working with a new doctor, getting PT (very intense PT) three days a week, and is in a lot of pain all the time. Pain sucks. It changes everything. It changes your personality. It changes your life. We are making some strides in getting him into pain management, but that has it's challenges as well. There is a perception factor that if you are in pain and need pain medicine, that you are a druggie. It erodes your self esteem to have to ask for relief from pain- and it makes you angry to have to beg for something that will help. All very complicated.
I work in the health care industry, so I get it. I also get that patients have a right to NOT be in PAIN.
Having said all of that, it is hard to continue to be supportive in light of his difficult moods, especially when I have been carrying the load for two years now. I am blessed to be able to continue to do so, but it's hard to be superwoman, and do it with a sunny disposition 24/7!
I did start seeing a therapist a couple of months ago, and it is helpful. I am not on any anti-depressents any more- they numbed me out, and frankly, I have wasted enough time being numb. As uncomfortable as things are, I need to be 100% engaged, and present, and aware. I don't want to go through the motions anymore, and it's that spirit that makes me short with my husband when he expects me to be caring. I don't want to see a sink full of dishes when I get home with our daughter at 7:15 and then hear how hungry you are. Sorry. This anger comes out, his anger comes out, and because we don't want to fight in front of our daughter, it just festers.
Wow, this is becoming more cathartic than I expected!
So, who knows what is going to happen. I am happy he is going to be going to pain mgt in December. I am happy that I am not numb. I am happy I am getting a fill next Monday. I am also happy that I have my daughter, and I know that despite these problems, my husband and I love each other. I am not ready to throw in the towel yet and destroy a family.
Maybe the message is thankfulness. Be thankful for what you do have- I am. Be thankful for the problems you don't have- I am. Be thankful for being thankful.
Needless to say, all of this is complicated, confusing, stressful, and sad. I force myself not to turn to my old friend food during these times. Without the fluid in my band, it's easy to overdo it. I must remain mindful of the progress I have made, but I am also allowing myself a bit of a break. Obviously I am eating more that I had- out of hunger. I never had hunger when I was at a good adjustment (or even a too tight adjustment!)- I just need to get back there, without the pbing.
I am still holding onto 80 pounds lost, and I am thankful to that. I know once my band is adjusted again, I will be back on track- fall down seven times, get up eight, right??
Love to all, and all my best wishes for a wonderful holiday.
xoxoxox
Annie
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Un-fill and Progress
Hey there,
So, I had an unfill last week. So far, no pb's, no sliming, no stuckness.... it's all good. I am holding steady at my weight, but enjoying food, for the first time, in a long time. Alas, I think I need a small fill- they took out 1.0cc, and I will probably get something less than that put back in. I feel better- which is the best part, but I think I need a bit more to get my scale moving again!
Thinking of all of you, and wishing you success!!!
Big hugs!
xoxox
A
So, I had an unfill last week. So far, no pb's, no sliming, no stuckness.... it's all good. I am holding steady at my weight, but enjoying food, for the first time, in a long time. Alas, I think I need a small fill- they took out 1.0cc, and I will probably get something less than that put back in. I feel better- which is the best part, but I think I need a bit more to get my scale moving again!
Thinking of all of you, and wishing you success!!!
Big hugs!
xoxox
A
Friday, October 14, 2011
What's Happening Hot Stuff?
So, it's been a pretty busy few weeks! While all you beautiful ladies were at BOOBS, I, too was on vacation. Hubby, and my dearest daughter and I all went down to Florida for ten days- spending a week in the beautiful Clearwater Beach Sand Key, and then the long weekend at Disney. The trip was great- we all had a wonderful time. Disney was a bit of a wash- literally! It rained (poured out of the heavens!) all weekend. My little girl had the deluxe princess experience at the Bibbidy Boppity Boutique- adorable! She loved every minute of it. The pictures were beautiful too- totally worth the expense.
The next day we headed to the Magic K*gdom- it was literally pouring the entire time we were there, so we cut it a bit short, since most of the outside attractions were closed :( My little girl is only three, though, so she had no expectations, and was not disappointed. It is a bit overwhelming as it is, but she enjoyed the monorail, the princess meet and greet, and It's a Small World ride.
Back to work this past Wednesday- the work didn't stop while I was gone, and I have been catching up ever since.
On the band front, I was tighter than a drum for my entire vacation. I hate being tight, and I realize that while I don't have any reflux- D.G., that pb'ing every meal is not a good thing. For me, it is a vicious cycle- I get stuck once, and then am too tight, keep eating, pb- and on and on. Anyhow, I went to see the lovely Dr. Fielding at NYU yesterday- (he is very handsome in person!) and got 1.0 cc out. I feel so much better already. I lost 25 lbs since my last visit, which was a few months ago- June? But, I haven't lost a thing in the last mont or so. The same two pounds up and down. I am confident that this unfill will right my wagon, and once I am less inflamed I will be able to get the scale moving again.
Another item that I need to begin to seriously address is exercise. I have a million excuses, but that has to stop. Immediately!!! I am going to discuss a plan with my hubby this weekend, and will update you next time I blog.
The pics from BOOBS were awesome, and it looks like everyone had a great time! I hope to attend next year!
Oh, btw- my bandiversary was on 10/1! I am down 90 pounds! Woo hoo! I was hoping for 100, but I will get there- I am in this for the long haul! xoxoxox
Annie
The next day we headed to the Magic K*gdom- it was literally pouring the entire time we were there, so we cut it a bit short, since most of the outside attractions were closed :( My little girl is only three, though, so she had no expectations, and was not disappointed. It is a bit overwhelming as it is, but she enjoyed the monorail, the princess meet and greet, and It's a Small World ride.
Back to work this past Wednesday- the work didn't stop while I was gone, and I have been catching up ever since.
On the band front, I was tighter than a drum for my entire vacation. I hate being tight, and I realize that while I don't have any reflux- D.G., that pb'ing every meal is not a good thing. For me, it is a vicious cycle- I get stuck once, and then am too tight, keep eating, pb- and on and on. Anyhow, I went to see the lovely Dr. Fielding at NYU yesterday- (he is very handsome in person!) and got 1.0 cc out. I feel so much better already. I lost 25 lbs since my last visit, which was a few months ago- June? But, I haven't lost a thing in the last mont or so. The same two pounds up and down. I am confident that this unfill will right my wagon, and once I am less inflamed I will be able to get the scale moving again.
Another item that I need to begin to seriously address is exercise. I have a million excuses, but that has to stop. Immediately!!! I am going to discuss a plan with my hubby this weekend, and will update you next time I blog.
The pics from BOOBS were awesome, and it looks like everyone had a great time! I hope to attend next year!
Oh, btw- my bandiversary was on 10/1! I am down 90 pounds! Woo hoo! I was hoping for 100, but I will get there- I am in this for the long haul! xoxoxox
Annie
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