The Bad Sister

Hi Guys,
So, my sister is mad at me. Really, really, really, really MAD!  I feel so badly, but at the same time, I don't accept her anger toward me as completely valid.  I will explain.

I mentioned in my previous post that we had a big party for my Dad's 70th, at my house on Saturday.  My sister, mom, brother, and I, "together" hosted.  I did the invites, bought the gift, provided the space for the party (clean up pre and post), made the punch.  My Sister ordered and picked up the cake, bought the decorations, ordered the food, put up the decorations, helped set up the snacks, put away the food, cleaned up (I didn't ask her to do any of that). My Mom set up the snacks, cleaned up, did a lot of the prep. Other cousins helped with this and that. My hubby and stepson cleaned the outside, set up the coolers on the deck, bought the ice, and generally did more than most men would.

My hubby noticed my sister was not herself, and mentioned it to me yesterday. I called her, and she started screaming that she is "sick of being treated like a serf", and that she would have liked to socialize, (like I did- she didn't say that, but it was implied). I tried to explain that I am not a mind reader (she assumed I should have known she was pissed, or just done more from the get go), and that since it was my house, I felt like I needed to show people where the bathrooms were, where to put the coats, check on the girls and the babysitter, and give people the tour (we bought the house a year ago this past November, and most people hadn't seen it yet).  Anyway, she is pissed. Not just at me, but at my brother and sister in law too, but she won't communicate that to them, she only exploded at me when I asked her what was wrong.

I love my sister so much, but the truth is, that we are not as close as I would like us to be.  There have been many times where I sense some resentment, but she says nothing. I know everyone is different, and that not everyone is as direct as me (good and bad trait, I know!!), and that I need to be sensitive.  I feel badly, but I suspect there is more to this anger than just this incident on Saturday.  In retrospect, I would have done things differently, but it's not like I had nothing to do but stand around, drink wine, and look pretty!  Believe me, even if people help put leftovers away, having 40 adults and 25 kids in your house, running inside and out, tracking mud everywhere leaves quite a bit to do when people leave.  I don't care about that, it's fine with me. I just resent that she has this victim mentatlity, but doesn't own up to her anger when she is experiencing it, but rather, letting it pile up and spew forth. 

I want to give here some space, me some space too, but I feel horrible, am sorry, but am sick of being the bad sister.

Thanks for letting me vent.

xoxoxo
A

Haven't Been Around Much....

Hello Friends!
So, between the stomach flu, which completely ransacked my family, and the preparations for my Dad's 70th  birthday party that we hosted, this has been a crazy week!  My hubby, mom, dad, sister, 2 nieces, daughter, and me, a little, all were hit terribly with the bug! What a horror!

To top it off, my little girl is completely CONSTIPATED!  It is very sad. She is backed up to China, and it is not pretty! I took her to the MD this week, and they are going conservative- miralax, gummy pedialax, and a McIntosh apple every day at 3pm with a glass of water. I am hopeful, but getting discouraged, since it's not moving.

Today we hosted my entire family for my Dad's 70th birthday. It was a lot of prep, but my Dad was ecstatic, and everyone had a great time. We had approx. 40 adults, and 30 kids between 6 months and 17.  Most of them were between 7 and 12, which made for an entertaining day. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold, and they ran around outside a lot!  I hired a babysitter to watch my daughter and two twin neices, who are the same age.  That girl earned her money today!  It was great, because I have no other babysitter besides my Mom, and they seemed to bond with her.  Maybe hubby and I can go out for an evening now?

All in all, doing well with the band. Many compliments on my appearance, which is always nice. I ate a little, but am pretty tight these days, so kept it in check, for the most part.

I am now amazed at the amount of food people put on their plate!  Not just at the party, which I didn't notice, particulaly, but in general. I guess this thing is working! Now, if I could cut out the sugar, I would be golden.

So sorry I missed the brunch in NYC due to the bug, but am hoping for another local brunch soon, so I can meet some of you.

xoxooxox
A

Sick Daughter- no Brunch For Mommy

Waaaaaaah! I am not coming. My daughter was up puking bile all night, and while I am so tempted to leave her with my hubby, I just can't. I am so sad.

Handwriting Sample, New Pic, Happy Friday!

Hello Lovelies!
Things have been very stressful here in Annie land.  My hubby has been having a hard time lately, and it's been very tough. Not to get into too many details here, it seems like things are turning around and he has a plan to begin feeling better. 

I was catching up on blogs, and saw a post by the lovely Dinnerland regarding handwriting. I, too, am fascinated, and thought I would participate.  I am attaching a photo of my handwriting, taken, here at work, while on a conference call (what else is new?), and an up to the minute pic of yours truly as well.

Weight has been moving in the right direction, but too many ups and downs to update the ticker at this point. I am hoping that by the end of next week, I will be at a new low. I have been tracking, and being more mindful of what I put in my mouth, which, can be a revelation! 

I find that I seem to eat the most at midday- at work, lunch. Usually soup or some cheese and crackers, or some peanut butter and crackers (OMG- Trader Joe's has phenomenal natural peanut butter with roasted flax seeds- two tablespoons is a serving, and is quite a bit- very satisfying!)  Bread is basically out,  unless toasted very crispy. I am even off the pita chips these days.  One bright light is that I seem to be embracing spicy food again- I basically cut it all pre-band due to searning reflux, which, thankfully, has disappeared. I did have one episode when I was overfilled, but so far so good.  I had chicken with hot sauce on a pita from the cart outside my office. The bread was a bust, but the chicken tasted so good. The end result was that I ate about half of the chicken, and a few bites of bread. Had a few PBs, which is nasty, but all in all not too bad.  I am chewing my jaw off, but still need to work on my bite size.  This has been a real challenge for me, but as I become more and more mindful of what I put in my mouth, it is getting easier.

I am so excited about the bandster brunch NYC next week!!!!!! I can't wait to meet those coming, and am hoping that I can relax and enjoy, and not be shy.  I have been described as one of the most confident, yet insecure people in existence. I wish I could just be quietly confident, and leave it at that.

Here are the pics!

xoxox
Annie

Conference Calls and Blogging

ADD or Multi-tasking? Discuss.

Getting to Know Me- Sounded Like Fun

(A) Age: old enough to know better
(B) Bed Size: King

(C) Chore You Hate: putting away laundry

(D) Dogs? one,  Buddy, a pointer lab mix that lives with my mother in law

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Coffee

(F) Favorite Color: Red

(G) Gold or Silver? Platinum

(H) Height: 5'11"

(I) Instruments You Play: none, although, I did take accordion lessons when I was a kid. My hubby is a musician, and we have more guitars, drums, bass guitars, keyboard, and more maracas, tambourines and triangles than you can shake a stick at.

(J) Job Title: Director of Project Management
(K) Kids: Robby 14 (stepson), Morgan 2 (daughter)
(L) Live: New Jersey

(M) Mom's Name: May
(N) Nicknames: Babe, Onnie
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Galbladder removal, diskectomy, c-section
(P) Pet Peeve: thoughtlessness

(Q) Quote from a Movie: hmmm....

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: one sister, one brother
(T) Time You Wake Up? 6am (time clock goes off, time up....6:30-7:00) I stay up too late!

(U) Underwear: briefs

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: okra

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Trying to cram too much into too little time, procrastinating, underestimating travel time

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: back, knee

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: butternut squash lasagna (Giada's recipie)
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: polar bears

Need to Get My Butt Moving!

I am a type A personality. It may be hard to tell from my blog, because in the only area of my life where I need to be more type A, I seem to be ultra laid back (or hung up, too easy on myself, or living in a rationalization coma).  This area, you may have guessed is my weight!!!!

I have in the past had bursts of intense motivation- personal trainers, gyms, private gyms, urban park workouts, bootcamp, etc. In the last years, alas, (since I met my hubby??) I have been going through the motions of wanting to lose weight.  When I got banded, I had big success quickly. I am down 50 + pounds in the  last five months, and that is awesome. The truth? It could be 70 pounds if I put in a little more effort. 

I am putting it out there folks.

I could be eating less cheese, no chocolate, more yogurt, more salads, less crackers, and could be drinking more water. I could be exercising. I am not. I need to examine why.  There are a thousand excuses I could come up with- work, young child, stress, etc. All excuses. I know that exercise helps me with stress. I know that getting to the gym is the hardest part of working out- once I am there, I love it.  Why can't I get moving? Am I afraid to lose this weight?  What would happen if I were finally successful and in the normal BMI range? What other areas would I have to confront?  Scary sh*t, to be sure, but I need to get past this.

As I often say, I will never be younger than I am right now.  I need to do this. I need to harness my inner motivation, inner competitive bitch, and get my ass in gear.  One thing that may help is that my sister is getting banded tomorrow! She is much smaller than me, and is just at the BMI required, but she is the one who was pursuing this first, and helped me see the light. She also has stress, challenges, and the same baggage with weight that I have. I am hoping that our sharing of this will help motivate both of us, and to be honest, maybe some competition would be helpful!

I love you guys. I really do. What you don't know about me (but may have figured out) is that I retreat when I don't want to deal with something- from my friends, family, reality, etc. I can't do that anymore when it comes to blogging, tracking, and working this tool. It's time.

Thanks for your support. I will be around more.

xoxoxo
A