I am a type A personality. It may be hard to tell from my blog, because in the only area of my life where I need to be more type A, I seem to be ultra laid back (or hung up, too easy on myself, or living in a rationalization coma). This area, you may have guessed is my weight!!!!
I have in the past had bursts of intense motivation- personal trainers, gyms, private gyms, urban park workouts, bootcamp, etc. In the last years, alas, (since I met my hubby??) I have been going through the motions of wanting to lose weight. When I got banded, I had big success quickly. I am down 50 + pounds in the last five months, and that is awesome. The truth? It could be 70 pounds if I put in a little more effort.
I am putting it out there folks.
I could be eating less cheese, no chocolate, more yogurt, more salads, less crackers, and could be drinking more water. I could be exercising. I am not. I need to examine why. There are a thousand excuses I could come up with- work, young child, stress, etc. All excuses. I know that exercise helps me with stress. I know that getting to the gym is the hardest part of working out- once I am there, I love it. Why can't I get moving? Am I afraid to lose this weight? What would happen if I were finally successful and in the normal BMI range? What other areas would I have to confront? Scary sh*t, to be sure, but I need to get past this.
As I often say, I will never be younger than I am right now. I need to do this. I need to harness my inner motivation, inner competitive bitch, and get my ass in gear. One thing that may help is that my sister is getting banded tomorrow! She is much smaller than me, and is just at the BMI required, but she is the one who was pursuing this first, and helped me see the light. She also has stress, challenges, and the same baggage with weight that I have. I am hoping that our sharing of this will help motivate both of us, and to be honest, maybe some competition would be helpful!
I love you guys. I really do. What you don't know about me (but may have figured out) is that I retreat when I don't want to deal with something- from my friends, family, reality, etc. I can't do that anymore when it comes to blogging, tracking, and working this tool. It's time.
Thanks for your support. I will be around more.
xoxoxo
A
I swear I could have written this post! Everything but the sister thing is exactly my experience right now! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI have lost 108.4 lbs. in just over 12 months and never, not once, stepped into a gym. Maybe you don't work out because you don't have the time for gym workouts or maybe you really, really hate them. My point is that when I hear people talking about their reluctance to exercise, I always wonder if they are trying to force themselves to do something that they'll probably never do because it just isn't a good fit for them.
ReplyDeleteI do exercise every day. I walk and ride my bike and hike when the weathers good. These are things I love. I never have to coerce myself to do them. What do you love?
We all could have done more, lost more, etc. I just went through some of that thinking myself! The important part is to figure out what you need to do and move forward. I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteI think retreating is common - it's so hard to face these inner issues. But if you can dig deep and face fears - the end result is amazing. Keep asking the tough questions - even if it's just one a day and try to answer them here. You have no idea how many you might be helping along the way.
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